Rachel passed onto our Heavenly Father yesterday afternoon at home. She was comfortable and surrounded by friends and family. She suffered with illness for 2 years, one with nausea with Eva during her pregnancy, and about 9 months with the cancer treatment. She is now home with Jesus and without pain or suffering.
Thank you for all your prayers over the past nine months. Please continue to pray. More updates to follow.
I will be posting updates to her blog.
- Matt, Husband
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
New news
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I went to get treatment yesterday with Michael and Gina. For those who don't know, Gina is my dear cousin who I grew up with. She was maid of honor in my wedding. She has a very kind heart, especially toward children and those with special needs. She loves Jesus with all her heart, soul, mind and strength. She is also one of the funniest people I know. She is very very dear to me.
Anyway, Michael and I spent the time on the way there explaining to Gina how we pray during treatment, speak to the chemo and take authority over all of it so that she could stand in agreement with us, and not think we were nuts. :) I just know that 9 months ago, I would not have understood where I was coming from in doing so, so I thought we owed her an explanation. We were just never accustomed to praying that way.
Anyway, I had an appointment with the nurse practitioner prior to treatment. She said that one of my liver enzymes (bilirubin) was slightly elevated. Dr. Ritch came in to talk to me about it, and decided to change up the plan. At this point, he doesn't know why the levels are elevated, but he doesn't want to give me any more of the current treatment until he knows if it's working or not. So I did not receive treatment yesterday. Monday, I have a CT scan scheduled at 8 a.m., and a follow up appointment with Dr. Ritch at 11:00 a.m. to discuss the scan. God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7). I won't lie and say I'm not frustrated, but I refuse to be fearful. To me, it doesn't even matter what the scan says. I keep standing on the Word of God, which says I am healed. Therefore, I am healed.
Some things to pray for:
Physical manifestation of healing, including:
-normal bilirubin levels
-no pain
-no tumors
-normal appetite
-no nausea
Thank you all!!!
I went to get treatment yesterday with Michael and Gina. For those who don't know, Gina is my dear cousin who I grew up with. She was maid of honor in my wedding. She has a very kind heart, especially toward children and those with special needs. She loves Jesus with all her heart, soul, mind and strength. She is also one of the funniest people I know. She is very very dear to me.
Anyway, Michael and I spent the time on the way there explaining to Gina how we pray during treatment, speak to the chemo and take authority over all of it so that she could stand in agreement with us, and not think we were nuts. :) I just know that 9 months ago, I would not have understood where I was coming from in doing so, so I thought we owed her an explanation. We were just never accustomed to praying that way.
Anyway, I had an appointment with the nurse practitioner prior to treatment. She said that one of my liver enzymes (bilirubin) was slightly elevated. Dr. Ritch came in to talk to me about it, and decided to change up the plan. At this point, he doesn't know why the levels are elevated, but he doesn't want to give me any more of the current treatment until he knows if it's working or not. So I did not receive treatment yesterday. Monday, I have a CT scan scheduled at 8 a.m., and a follow up appointment with Dr. Ritch at 11:00 a.m. to discuss the scan. God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7). I won't lie and say I'm not frustrated, but I refuse to be fearful. To me, it doesn't even matter what the scan says. I keep standing on the Word of God, which says I am healed. Therefore, I am healed.
Some things to pray for:
Physical manifestation of healing, including:
-normal bilirubin levels
-no pain
-no tumors
-normal appetite
-no nausea
Thank you all!!!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Still here!
I'm still here!
(this is what Eva says)
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(which is much of the reason I don't get on here to write often)
I also hosted 22 people for Thanksgiving on the Saturday, which kept me quite busy. I am so grateful that I felt incredibly well the week leading up to Thanksgiving. I was able to cook food (though I didn't make the turkey...Aunt Cheryl did that) and was able to enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving Thursday at my in-laws, go Black Friday shopping with Matt, my cousins and brother followed by a Sprecher Brewery tour (as is tradition), and then have everyone over on Saturday. What a wonderful opportunity to host in our new house. Hosting is one of my greatest passions, and it was amazing to be able to do it!!
I did have a rougher week after that, with symptoms really trying to come against me. But I continue to stand my ground, knowing that my healing has been taken care of by our Lord. He gives me every bit of strength I need. When I find myself starting to worry about "How will I get through the next day?" I remember that it is not a day by day fight, but it is moment by moment, with God taking care of me through every bit of it (many times through putting other people in my life to help and sometimes by just giving me a boost of strength).
Last week, I got a call from Dena, my dietitian at Froedtert. She said she had entered me in an "inspiring families" photo contest with Proud to Introduce photography (proudtointroduce.com) in Wauwatosa, and *gasp* I'd won a full family photo session!!! Saturday Matt, Eva and I went to get our pictures taken and they were ready for us by Sunday night. What a huge blessing!!! Meeting the photographer, Allie, was amazing. She was so wonderful with us and with Eva. We got over 80 pictures and they are each so beautiful! Thank you thank you thank you Dena and Allie!!! It's just to crazy to think that I would by nominated and win something like this. I am still just overwhelmed. Here is one of the pictures that was taken.
I've started going to a charismatic Catholic prayer meeting; last week with my mother-in-law, and then last night with Matt and my friend Joanne. I really enjoy it, and plan to continue going. It is an amazing group of kind people whose lives have truly been touched by the Holy Spirit.
Well, it is time for us to go decorate our Christmas tree. If I don't get pictures up on here, I'll get them up on Facebook. I tend to be slightly better about updating Facebook than I am about this blog. SO, if we're not Facebook friends and you'd like to add me, feel free! As long as you don't look like a creeper, I'll add ya. :)
Enjoy this amazing Advent season as we look forward to celebrating the coming of our Lord to earth as a baby. Thank you God for sending Jesus to us in the most humble of ways. I pray that I can make this season very memorable and meaningful for our family.
(this is what Eva says)
]
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(which is much of the reason I don't get on here to write often)
I also hosted 22 people for Thanksgiving on the Saturday, which kept me quite busy. I am so grateful that I felt incredibly well the week leading up to Thanksgiving. I was able to cook food (though I didn't make the turkey...Aunt Cheryl did that) and was able to enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving Thursday at my in-laws, go Black Friday shopping with Matt, my cousins and brother followed by a Sprecher Brewery tour (as is tradition), and then have everyone over on Saturday. What a wonderful opportunity to host in our new house. Hosting is one of my greatest passions, and it was amazing to be able to do it!!
I did have a rougher week after that, with symptoms really trying to come against me. But I continue to stand my ground, knowing that my healing has been taken care of by our Lord. He gives me every bit of strength I need. When I find myself starting to worry about "How will I get through the next day?" I remember that it is not a day by day fight, but it is moment by moment, with God taking care of me through every bit of it (many times through putting other people in my life to help and sometimes by just giving me a boost of strength).
Last week, I got a call from Dena, my dietitian at Froedtert. She said she had entered me in an "inspiring families" photo contest with Proud to Introduce photography (proudtointroduce.com) in Wauwatosa, and *gasp* I'd won a full family photo session!!! Saturday Matt, Eva and I went to get our pictures taken and they were ready for us by Sunday night. What a huge blessing!!! Meeting the photographer, Allie, was amazing. She was so wonderful with us and with Eva. We got over 80 pictures and they are each so beautiful! Thank you thank you thank you Dena and Allie!!! It's just to crazy to think that I would by nominated and win something like this. I am still just overwhelmed. Here is one of the pictures that was taken.
I've started going to a charismatic Catholic prayer meeting; last week with my mother-in-law, and then last night with Matt and my friend Joanne. I really enjoy it, and plan to continue going. It is an amazing group of kind people whose lives have truly been touched by the Holy Spirit.
Well, it is time for us to go decorate our Christmas tree. If I don't get pictures up on here, I'll get them up on Facebook. I tend to be slightly better about updating Facebook than I am about this blog. SO, if we're not Facebook friends and you'd like to add me, feel free! As long as you don't look like a creeper, I'll add ya. :)
Enjoy this amazing Advent season as we look forward to celebrating the coming of our Lord to earth as a baby. Thank you God for sending Jesus to us in the most humble of ways. I pray that I can make this season very memorable and meaningful for our family.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Woohoo!
Just saw Dr. Ritch. My blood counts are all almost normal!! We decided I'll have treatment this Friday, which will get me on track to be able to skip Thanksgiving and Christmas weeks!! And Dr. Ritch also said I could skip New Years!!! This is such great news because I will be able to enjoy the holidays. And who knows, maybe I won't even need treatment that much longer. I continue to be full of hope. Praise and thanks be to our God!
Time
I do wish I had more time to update you all. It's not that I have any big news to share, but there are so many little things and "small" blessings each and every day and I would love to be able to share, but here it is, 12:15pm, and I sit here typing while in my PJs because, well, Eva needed to eat and be bathed and be played with, and then she needed to eat again, and now that she's down for a nap and I have cleaned the kitchen, straightened up a little, made the bed, put laundry away...I just felt like sitting and writing for a while rather than showering. Anyway, this entry will probably be short because I do need to shower. Going to my doctor appointment this afternoon in my pajamas just isn't an option for me. I have definitely lost some dignity...first through pregnancy, and now with all the tests and treatment. And I'm not nearly the perfectionist I once was (praise God for that!) but still, I'm not at a point where I can go in public in my PJs. :)
I am still feeling great! Last week Thursday I went in for treatment and was told that my blood counts were too low to receive it. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad, but I was definitely frustrated. When your body isn't behaving how it's supposed to, and you're told by multiple nurses that there's nothing you can do about it, it's a frustrating experience. Low blood counts are a direct result of all the chemo I've received, but I refused to believe there's "nothing I can do about it." I was given the option to receive a blood transfusion, which I discussed with an amazing nurse practitioner named Denise. I decided to decline it, and come back in 2 days to check my levels. For those next two days, Matt and I spoke to my blood and bone marrow, commanding it to restore itself in Jesus' name. (have I ever shared with you that there is scientific proof that our speech center controls the rest of our body? So speaking words like this are useful. Then add the authority graciously given to us through Jesus and His atonement, and these words carry much power.) I went back in Saturday for a blood test, and all my levels (red cells, white cells and platelets) had increased to levels where I did not need a transfusion. Praise God!!!
Today I go in to see Dr. Ritch and reevaluate the treatment schedule.
I wanted to mention something encouraging about the pain I was having. When I was on the chemo that was essentially not working, the pain would return 4-5 days after treatment and get progressively worse until the next treatment when the steroids would take it away for 4-5 days. Well, it's been 2 weeks since my last treatment, and I am still pain free. This is a huge blessing!!! Also, Denise the NP said that my liver function is improving and another number they look at as a tumor marker is down. She was excited about this, so I am very grateful for that as well.
Yesterday I was blessed with Pastor Hanthorn of Christian Life Center in Germantown and a visiting missionary coming over to pray for me. Michael (my brother) was here too. The missionary has seen many people healed (of cancer and many other diseases) and he said that when he was on the way over God was telling him that I would not die, but live. I told him that I absolutely believe this. It was wonderful to have confirmation of what I believe. God is good!!
Psalm 118:17 I will not die but live and proclaim the works of the LORD.
I am still feeling great! Last week Thursday I went in for treatment and was told that my blood counts were too low to receive it. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad, but I was definitely frustrated. When your body isn't behaving how it's supposed to, and you're told by multiple nurses that there's nothing you can do about it, it's a frustrating experience. Low blood counts are a direct result of all the chemo I've received, but I refused to believe there's "nothing I can do about it." I was given the option to receive a blood transfusion, which I discussed with an amazing nurse practitioner named Denise. I decided to decline it, and come back in 2 days to check my levels. For those next two days, Matt and I spoke to my blood and bone marrow, commanding it to restore itself in Jesus' name. (have I ever shared with you that there is scientific proof that our speech center controls the rest of our body? So speaking words like this are useful. Then add the authority graciously given to us through Jesus and His atonement, and these words carry much power.) I went back in Saturday for a blood test, and all my levels (red cells, white cells and platelets) had increased to levels where I did not need a transfusion. Praise God!!!
Today I go in to see Dr. Ritch and reevaluate the treatment schedule.
I wanted to mention something encouraging about the pain I was having. When I was on the chemo that was essentially not working, the pain would return 4-5 days after treatment and get progressively worse until the next treatment when the steroids would take it away for 4-5 days. Well, it's been 2 weeks since my last treatment, and I am still pain free. This is a huge blessing!!! Also, Denise the NP said that my liver function is improving and another number they look at as a tumor marker is down. She was excited about this, so I am very grateful for that as well.
Yesterday I was blessed with Pastor Hanthorn of Christian Life Center in Germantown and a visiting missionary coming over to pray for me. Michael (my brother) was here too. The missionary has seen many people healed (of cancer and many other diseases) and he said that when he was on the way over God was telling him that I would not die, but live. I told him that I absolutely believe this. It was wonderful to have confirmation of what I believe. God is good!!
Psalm 118:17 I will not die but live and proclaim the works of the LORD.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Healed
Since the last medical news I posted was about a "bad" CT scan, you all may think I'm a little nuts to say that I'm healed. But God continues to reveal things to me, and for that I am very grateful. I'll just begin to share some things that have happened, and see where this blog post goes...
On 10/10, I went to church by myself. (Matt stayed home with Eva because Metro Harvest only has one service which falls right during her morning nap.) I was in so much pain, and it was noticeable to those around me. After the service, a woman sitting in front of me asked if I'd ever met Bonnie, and I said no. She said Bonnie has a gift for healing backs, and wondered if I wanted her to pray for me. I said of course. Then, obviously, when Bonnie asked what was going on with my back, I told her everything. She and a woman named Anita prayed for me. Some amazing things happened during their prayers. I don't give a whole lot of credence to my emotions since I know it's easy to be deceived by how I feel, but I am confident that something powerful happened when they prayed. After a while of their praying, I felt waves of peace and health come over me, and when I stood up, I had no pain. None. I felt whole and healthier than I have in a very long time. When I got home, I ran into the house in amazing excitement, and told everyone who would listen (family was visiting) that I'd been healed.
Now, fast forward 5 hours. The pain came back and I felt awful. Just days later, I got the CT scan. When I went for chemo the Thursday after, I was so sick. But, here's what I can tell you about that. I cling to Ephesians 6:12. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."
There is truly a spiritual battle going on here, and I believe that on that day, we gained much ground. And for those 5 beautiful hours, I was free of sickness.
I'm now two weeks into the new chemo. The first week was a little rough because I was sick and weak going into it. Previous to starting the new treatment, I hadn't eaten much in days. It took me 45 minutes to choke down a piece of toast the day before. I was in terrible pain, and hadn't slept much in days because of it. Also, the sleep I had gotten was done while sitting cross-legged in bed with two pillows on my lap and then laying my head on the pillows. NOT a good thing for one's back. So on top of the other pain, I was having back spasms. (Please understand that I'm not trying to complain, but only going into detail for the sake of comparison. It gets better, I promise). So week 1 of the new stuff was okay, but not great. Week 2, however, has been a comparative breeze! I am completely pain free (and have been since about 2 days after the 1st treatment), and my nausea is controlled. In fact, today I didn't even take anything for it. I just realized that! I have taken only 1 nap, about 1 hour long, since my last treatment almost a week ago. I have gone jogging twice, and have been doing push-ups and sit-ups. Today, I was gone from home from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. and I feel only as fatigued as any mom of an incredibly active 9 month old would feel. :) I am so excited that I am experiencing life more abundantly, as Jesus promised. I am so thankful to Him for his GOODNESS!
I continue to confess the Scriptures daily. I continue to speak only positive words over my body. I have begun to understand (if even a tiny tiny bit) about faith, and what it means to talk about being healed even when scans show otherwise. (I have struggled with this concept as I am a logical woman and sometimes faith defies logic). I am well and healthy, and soon this battle will be won.
Psalm 91:14-16: The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love Me. I will protect those who trust in My name. When they call on Me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them My salvation."
On 10/10, I went to church by myself. (Matt stayed home with Eva because Metro Harvest only has one service which falls right during her morning nap.) I was in so much pain, and it was noticeable to those around me. After the service, a woman sitting in front of me asked if I'd ever met Bonnie, and I said no. She said Bonnie has a gift for healing backs, and wondered if I wanted her to pray for me. I said of course. Then, obviously, when Bonnie asked what was going on with my back, I told her everything. She and a woman named Anita prayed for me. Some amazing things happened during their prayers. I don't give a whole lot of credence to my emotions since I know it's easy to be deceived by how I feel, but I am confident that something powerful happened when they prayed. After a while of their praying, I felt waves of peace and health come over me, and when I stood up, I had no pain. None. I felt whole and healthier than I have in a very long time. When I got home, I ran into the house in amazing excitement, and told everyone who would listen (family was visiting) that I'd been healed.
Now, fast forward 5 hours. The pain came back and I felt awful. Just days later, I got the CT scan. When I went for chemo the Thursday after, I was so sick. But, here's what I can tell you about that. I cling to Ephesians 6:12. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."
There is truly a spiritual battle going on here, and I believe that on that day, we gained much ground. And for those 5 beautiful hours, I was free of sickness.
I'm now two weeks into the new chemo. The first week was a little rough because I was sick and weak going into it. Previous to starting the new treatment, I hadn't eaten much in days. It took me 45 minutes to choke down a piece of toast the day before. I was in terrible pain, and hadn't slept much in days because of it. Also, the sleep I had gotten was done while sitting cross-legged in bed with two pillows on my lap and then laying my head on the pillows. NOT a good thing for one's back. So on top of the other pain, I was having back spasms. (Please understand that I'm not trying to complain, but only going into detail for the sake of comparison. It gets better, I promise). So week 1 of the new stuff was okay, but not great. Week 2, however, has been a comparative breeze! I am completely pain free (and have been since about 2 days after the 1st treatment), and my nausea is controlled. In fact, today I didn't even take anything for it. I just realized that! I have taken only 1 nap, about 1 hour long, since my last treatment almost a week ago. I have gone jogging twice, and have been doing push-ups and sit-ups. Today, I was gone from home from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. and I feel only as fatigued as any mom of an incredibly active 9 month old would feel. :) I am so excited that I am experiencing life more abundantly, as Jesus promised. I am so thankful to Him for his GOODNESS!
I continue to confess the Scriptures daily. I continue to speak only positive words over my body. I have begun to understand (if even a tiny tiny bit) about faith, and what it means to talk about being healed even when scans show otherwise. (I have struggled with this concept as I am a logical woman and sometimes faith defies logic). I am well and healthy, and soon this battle will be won.
Psalm 91:14-16: The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love Me. I will protect those who trust in My name. When they call on Me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them My salvation."
Friday, October 15, 2010
Much to Say
Our house has been one full of prayer this last week. One thing I've learned to do (and science backs this up as legit, as do many verses in the Bible) is speaking out loud directly to the cancer, the pain, and the abnormalities in my body. I go through many declarations, reading them out loud each day from a booklet written by Charles Capp called "God's Creative Power for Healing" and also reading the Bible verses that go along with them. I also read out loud the Bible verses about strength from my friend Roger that I've mentioned before. I have prayers that I pray over myself and my family (originally prayers that Paul prayed to the Colossians and Ephesians) that pertain to knowing God more and understanding His POWER that is at work within us. I've never prayed written prayers, or prayed prayers directly from the Bible before, but reading verses again and again out loud really helps them get into my heart. It's not just a rote exercise so I can say "I did it." It is permeating my very soul and changing me from the inside out. Recently, my mom heard a story of a woman who was miraculously healed from a brain infection. The doctors said every day she would die, or live a life in a vegetative state. This woman's husband prayed a prayer over her every day as he rejected all the negative reports of the doctor. Not only did she live, she was restored to full health. We have that prayer printed with all the scriptural backup, and Matt prays it over me every night, and my mom and mother-in-law have also prayed it over me. Then of course, there are the countless others (YOU) who have been lifting me up in prayer. I don't say this to brag about all the praying we've been doing, because there is no pride in this. There is simple dependence on the power that I believe is at work in my body, even when the results aren't there before my eyes just yet.
I had my CT scan on Wednesday, and can I just say I'm so thankful for Froedtert Hospital. They are so kind, and so much less invasive with their scans than other places I've had them. They don't make me undress, or drink barium (which makes me so sick...YUCK!), and they don't make me wait for 3 hours. It was so seemless. Thank you, Candy and all the other people who blessed my life on Wednesday.
Yesterday I saw Dr. Ritch. He and his staff addressed my issues with pain and nausea that I've been having. One of my main concerns was that I haven't been able to eat much of anything for the past week, and when I would eat I would just throw up. I was even throwing up plain water. And obviously I've been losing weight. I'd been trying Boost shakes, but the nutritionist Dena suggested shakes called ScandiShakes which have double the calories of Boost. So with one of those shakes plus a Boost I can get all the calories I need for a day, and then add food as I can.
They addressed my pain as best they could, but when morphine and Vicodin and Oxycodone are barely taking the edge off, it's pretty frustrating. They keep assuring me there is more we can try, but then I've heard that before with the anti-nausea meds, and I'm kind of at the end of those possibilities with Lorazepam (Ativan) as the one that works but it makes me SO tired. The side effects are a big issue when you have a VERY active 8 month old to take care of. I mean, I have a lot of help with her much of the time but I don't have (nor do I want) someone here 24/7 to care for me and for her. I'm not THAT sick. But for anyone who has had chronic pain (and I know at least some of you have) you understand how wearing it is.
Then of course, the results of the CT scan. Bottom line is that the new chemo is not working, so we switched it up again. The doctor is hopeful about this new combination, and neither of the drugs are associated with nausea and vomiting. I woke up this morning hungry and thirsty, so I had yogurt and water. And so far, so good. The "bad" things with this new chemo are that I have to go every week for 3 weeks, then off for 1 week, on 3, off 1. This is just logistically bad with getting help with Eva. The other bad news is that there's a possibility that my G.I. Jane hair could fall out.
But there is much good associated with the new regimen. So far, I feel VERY good for it being the day after chemo. I have big goals for today including showering, making the bed, going to the new Woodman's, and maybe hitting up a rummage sale or two if I find some good ones.
And now, the most exciting short term news...at least it's exciting for someone who's been in terrible pain for the last week and a half. Every time I get chemo, they give me steroids. The steroids completely annihilate my pain for up to 2 weeks. I've been told by a nurse practitioner that the steroids couldn't be what's doing this for that long, but no one can give me any other ideas as to why I go from terrible pain that keeps me awake at night, which morphine just takes the edge off, but by the time I leave the hospital after chemo, the pain is GONE completely, and when it does come back anti-inflammatory drugs such as Ibuprofen knocks it out better than the "hard core" drugs (but I'm limited to how much of these I can take for other reasons). Anyway, to me it seems like an inflammation issue since anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDS, steroids) help. But anyway, I'm getting off track. I'm excited because now I'll get the steroids every week, so this should really keep the pain at bay until the mighty power of Prayers of Faith begin to manifest in my body and shrink the tumors to nothing so there is nothing else inflamed and I can get on with my life, serving the Lord my God with 100% of me, instead of just what's left when I can get off the couch/out of bed.
Anyway, God's presence was so strongly with me and my mom yesterday when the doctor gave us the news that the scans showed progression of some of the tumors. I just kept repeating part of the prayer that Matt's been praying over me. "I do not judge by the sight of my eyes, but by the Word of God." And also Hebrews 11:1 (which is on the wall in Eva's room on a beautiful cross...a gift from Grandma Jeanette for her baptism) "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see." I had no fear, but complete peace as I spoke with the doctor.
Then, I asked the doctor if he's ever seen anyone supernaturally healed. I could tell he probably wasn't comfortable with my terminology, but he did tell me he has seen things throughout his career that he couldn't explain. People "responding to treatment" in amazing ways. He said he saw a lot of it in lung cancer and breast cancer in his past, but since he's been in GI cancers, he shared 3 stories with me of people who amazingly overcame cancer that they shouldn't have made it through. One lady didn't even get treatment. The other two had treatment that completely took care of their cancer and it has never returned. I told him I was trusting God for that. I will be his next "unexplainable."
Well, I had better go attend to my goals for today, such as showering. :) Jeanette is here with me today, and she's getting Eva dressed at the moment. Thanks for reading, and thanks for all your prayers. We continue to stand on the WORD OF GOD as truth, and truly, nothing else matters. God's Word CANNOT lie.
One more thing I wanted to share...a word from my brother after we prayed fervently for my back pain the other night. It made me cry because of the beautiful picture it portrayed. He said, "You know, when Jesus was on the cross 2000 years ago, he saw your face. He did that for you. I know he saw everyone's face, but I think each one was just as personal as the next." So as he saw my face and knew that he was dying to save me from cancer in my mortal life and from my sins for all eternity, he was doing the same for you, as he saw your face as well.
Thank you all for your uplifting words, letters, cards, etc. If you are ever able and willing to help during the days watching Eva, check the Lotsa Helping Hands website for available dates. https://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/c/626581/login/
I'm not sure yet how much help I'll need with this new chemo, but I'll keep that website updated as it becomes clear how much I'm able to do myself and how much assistance I need.
Love to you all!
I had my CT scan on Wednesday, and can I just say I'm so thankful for Froedtert Hospital. They are so kind, and so much less invasive with their scans than other places I've had them. They don't make me undress, or drink barium (which makes me so sick...YUCK!), and they don't make me wait for 3 hours. It was so seemless. Thank you, Candy and all the other people who blessed my life on Wednesday.
Yesterday I saw Dr. Ritch. He and his staff addressed my issues with pain and nausea that I've been having. One of my main concerns was that I haven't been able to eat much of anything for the past week, and when I would eat I would just throw up. I was even throwing up plain water. And obviously I've been losing weight. I'd been trying Boost shakes, but the nutritionist Dena suggested shakes called ScandiShakes which have double the calories of Boost. So with one of those shakes plus a Boost I can get all the calories I need for a day, and then add food as I can.
They addressed my pain as best they could, but when morphine and Vicodin and Oxycodone are barely taking the edge off, it's pretty frustrating. They keep assuring me there is more we can try, but then I've heard that before with the anti-nausea meds, and I'm kind of at the end of those possibilities with Lorazepam (Ativan) as the one that works but it makes me SO tired. The side effects are a big issue when you have a VERY active 8 month old to take care of. I mean, I have a lot of help with her much of the time but I don't have (nor do I want) someone here 24/7 to care for me and for her. I'm not THAT sick. But for anyone who has had chronic pain (and I know at least some of you have) you understand how wearing it is.
Then of course, the results of the CT scan. Bottom line is that the new chemo is not working, so we switched it up again. The doctor is hopeful about this new combination, and neither of the drugs are associated with nausea and vomiting. I woke up this morning hungry and thirsty, so I had yogurt and water. And so far, so good. The "bad" things with this new chemo are that I have to go every week for 3 weeks, then off for 1 week, on 3, off 1. This is just logistically bad with getting help with Eva. The other bad news is that there's a possibility that my G.I. Jane hair could fall out.
But there is much good associated with the new regimen. So far, I feel VERY good for it being the day after chemo. I have big goals for today including showering, making the bed, going to the new Woodman's, and maybe hitting up a rummage sale or two if I find some good ones.
And now, the most exciting short term news...at least it's exciting for someone who's been in terrible pain for the last week and a half. Every time I get chemo, they give me steroids. The steroids completely annihilate my pain for up to 2 weeks. I've been told by a nurse practitioner that the steroids couldn't be what's doing this for that long, but no one can give me any other ideas as to why I go from terrible pain that keeps me awake at night, which morphine just takes the edge off, but by the time I leave the hospital after chemo, the pain is GONE completely, and when it does come back anti-inflammatory drugs such as Ibuprofen knocks it out better than the "hard core" drugs (but I'm limited to how much of these I can take for other reasons). Anyway, to me it seems like an inflammation issue since anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDS, steroids) help. But anyway, I'm getting off track. I'm excited because now I'll get the steroids every week, so this should really keep the pain at bay until the mighty power of Prayers of Faith begin to manifest in my body and shrink the tumors to nothing so there is nothing else inflamed and I can get on with my life, serving the Lord my God with 100% of me, instead of just what's left when I can get off the couch/out of bed.
Anyway, God's presence was so strongly with me and my mom yesterday when the doctor gave us the news that the scans showed progression of some of the tumors. I just kept repeating part of the prayer that Matt's been praying over me. "I do not judge by the sight of my eyes, but by the Word of God." And also Hebrews 11:1 (which is on the wall in Eva's room on a beautiful cross...a gift from Grandma Jeanette for her baptism) "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see." I had no fear, but complete peace as I spoke with the doctor.
Then, I asked the doctor if he's ever seen anyone supernaturally healed. I could tell he probably wasn't comfortable with my terminology, but he did tell me he has seen things throughout his career that he couldn't explain. People "responding to treatment" in amazing ways. He said he saw a lot of it in lung cancer and breast cancer in his past, but since he's been in GI cancers, he shared 3 stories with me of people who amazingly overcame cancer that they shouldn't have made it through. One lady didn't even get treatment. The other two had treatment that completely took care of their cancer and it has never returned. I told him I was trusting God for that. I will be his next "unexplainable."
Well, I had better go attend to my goals for today, such as showering. :) Jeanette is here with me today, and she's getting Eva dressed at the moment. Thanks for reading, and thanks for all your prayers. We continue to stand on the WORD OF GOD as truth, and truly, nothing else matters. God's Word CANNOT lie.
One more thing I wanted to share...a word from my brother after we prayed fervently for my back pain the other night. It made me cry because of the beautiful picture it portrayed. He said, "You know, when Jesus was on the cross 2000 years ago, he saw your face. He did that for you. I know he saw everyone's face, but I think each one was just as personal as the next." So as he saw my face and knew that he was dying to save me from cancer in my mortal life and from my sins for all eternity, he was doing the same for you, as he saw your face as well.
Thank you all for your uplifting words, letters, cards, etc. If you are ever able and willing to help during the days watching Eva, check the Lotsa Helping Hands website for available dates. https://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/c/626581/login/
I'm not sure yet how much help I'll need with this new chemo, but I'll keep that website updated as it becomes clear how much I'm able to do myself and how much assistance I need.
Love to you all!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Dinner Time
So I'm going to make dinner tonight (just BLTs, nothing fancy) but I'm excited about it because I haven't cooked in a while. I say this because this will be a very short blog entry due to the fact that I'm hungry, and I think Matt is too. :)
But I wanted to give a quick update. It seems it was the Irinotecan chemo drug that caused me to lose my hair. I'm no longer on it, and my hair is growing back! It looks like a very short buzz cut right now, but I've showed those closest to me, and I'm getting more comfortable being seen without the wig or scarf. It's so freeing! So who knows...maybe one day I'll even post a picture. :)
I'm feeling good today, and for this I am so grateful. Thanks for all your prayers!
But I wanted to give a quick update. It seems it was the Irinotecan chemo drug that caused me to lose my hair. I'm no longer on it, and my hair is growing back! It looks like a very short buzz cut right now, but I've showed those closest to me, and I'm getting more comfortable being seen without the wig or scarf. It's so freeing! So who knows...maybe one day I'll even post a picture. :)
I'm feeling good today, and for this I am so grateful. Thanks for all your prayers!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Quick update
My last round of chemo (on 9/22) was really rough, and I've been pretty sick ever since. But tonight I felt much of the sickness lift, and I am feeling much better. Praise God!
I have a CT scan coming up on 10/13, and I ask for your continued prayers and belief with me that it will show I am cancer free.
Also, I have spent time the last 2 nights answering email. I am down to 177 in my inbox! I want you to know that if you have written to me, I HAVE read it. I read every single email. If you have sent me a Scripture, I am working now to put them into a Word document that I will keep with me for quick reference. If you have sent me an encouraging song or video, I have either watched/listened or added it to my list of things to watch/listen. I appreciate every encouragement, and even more than that I need them. There's a verse in Isaiah (41:13) that I've been meditating on which says: For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
One of the ways God is holding my hand and helping me is through all of you. Through your prayers, encouragement, belief and unending hope I am given strength. It is with this strength that I continue to battle the fight for my life...the fight that I will WIN. I am "hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." (2 Corinthians 4:8-9) The Word of God says that I am more than a conqueror through Jesus who loves me (Romans 8:37), so who am I to question that or to think any differently.
Praise you Lord that your Word is TRUE!
I have a CT scan coming up on 10/13, and I ask for your continued prayers and belief with me that it will show I am cancer free.
Also, I have spent time the last 2 nights answering email. I am down to 177 in my inbox! I want you to know that if you have written to me, I HAVE read it. I read every single email. If you have sent me a Scripture, I am working now to put them into a Word document that I will keep with me for quick reference. If you have sent me an encouraging song or video, I have either watched/listened or added it to my list of things to watch/listen. I appreciate every encouragement, and even more than that I need them. There's a verse in Isaiah (41:13) that I've been meditating on which says: For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
One of the ways God is holding my hand and helping me is through all of you. Through your prayers, encouragement, belief and unending hope I am given strength. It is with this strength that I continue to battle the fight for my life...the fight that I will WIN. I am "hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." (2 Corinthians 4:8-9) The Word of God says that I am more than a conqueror through Jesus who loves me (Romans 8:37), so who am I to question that or to think any differently.
Praise you Lord that your Word is TRUE!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Blessings
I saw a new doctor on Thursday...Dr. Ritch at Froedtert. He was originally recommended to me by two of my original doctors, but for various reasons I went elsewhere. Now, for other reasons, I've switched to him.
My mother-in-law and Eva came to my appointment with me on Thursday. My mom wanted to come but couldn't get off of work. :( Anyway, we waited for 2 hours to see the doctor, during which time I became rather nervous. I had heard all kinds of things about Dr. Ritch that made him seem "scary." I felt intimidated before I even met him. I spent a lot of time before the appointment praying, and once we got into a room, Jeanette and I prayed. I know Jesus was there holding my hand because I felt so much peace. Once I actually met Dr. Ritch, I felt silly for being so afraid. I could write for many paragraphs about why this is, but much of it was intangible. I just felt comfortable with him. I could ask him questions, and I felt he really listened to what I was saying. He was very attentive. I now feel very much at peace with my choice to switch doctors/hospitals.
Right now I ask for your prayers for wisdom as I figure out the best way to deal with pain. I haven't been sleeping well because of it, and it has been an emotional challenge. However, last night I determined it would not get me down, and so in the middle of the night while waiting for my heating pad to warm up in the microwave for the millionth time, I just danced in my living room and praised God. (my neighbors probably think I'm crazy...and you would too if you've ever seen me dance)
Now for the exciting news! Tomorrow Matt and I are going to the Packer game!!! The tickets were a gift from Lisa Boortz and her husband. I have only met Lisa one time, and am just blown away by their generous gift!! We are so excited. Pictures to come... :)
Another huge blessing in this past week... I had "baby food" on my grocery list, and before I made it to the store I was given a HUGE supply by two of my cousins. They both have babies who have moved on to real people food so they didn't need it anymore. Thank you God! (and Shawn and Karen)
Well, I'd better go get Eva's things together for her day with Grandma Gigi tomorrow, and Matt's and my things together for the game. Woohoo! Goodnight :)
My mother-in-law and Eva came to my appointment with me on Thursday. My mom wanted to come but couldn't get off of work. :( Anyway, we waited for 2 hours to see the doctor, during which time I became rather nervous. I had heard all kinds of things about Dr. Ritch that made him seem "scary." I felt intimidated before I even met him. I spent a lot of time before the appointment praying, and once we got into a room, Jeanette and I prayed. I know Jesus was there holding my hand because I felt so much peace. Once I actually met Dr. Ritch, I felt silly for being so afraid. I could write for many paragraphs about why this is, but much of it was intangible. I just felt comfortable with him. I could ask him questions, and I felt he really listened to what I was saying. He was very attentive. I now feel very much at peace with my choice to switch doctors/hospitals.
Right now I ask for your prayers for wisdom as I figure out the best way to deal with pain. I haven't been sleeping well because of it, and it has been an emotional challenge. However, last night I determined it would not get me down, and so in the middle of the night while waiting for my heating pad to warm up in the microwave for the millionth time, I just danced in my living room and praised God. (my neighbors probably think I'm crazy...and you would too if you've ever seen me dance)
Now for the exciting news! Tomorrow Matt and I are going to the Packer game!!! The tickets were a gift from Lisa Boortz and her husband. I have only met Lisa one time, and am just blown away by their generous gift!! We are so excited. Pictures to come... :)
Another huge blessing in this past week... I had "baby food" on my grocery list, and before I made it to the store I was given a HUGE supply by two of my cousins. They both have babies who have moved on to real people food so they didn't need it anymore. Thank you God! (and Shawn and Karen)
Well, I'd better go get Eva's things together for her day with Grandma Gigi tomorrow, and Matt's and my things together for the game. Woohoo! Goodnight :)
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Strength!
Today I am praising God for strength! The Word of God is alive and true. I have kept reading my "strength" verses every day, and each time I do they become more alive to me (rather than becoming "old hat"). I feel very good today, completely strengthened and alive; no longer weary.
May I recommend a book to all of you? I just finished it last night. It's called "The Cross and the Switchblade" by David Wilkerson. It's a true story of how a small-town pastor started a hugely effective ministry to some of New York's hardest gang members in the 1950's. (The ministry still exists today). The book itself is a page-turner; it simply tells a good and intriguing story. But what I absolutely love about it is that it depicts the purity of God's love and compassion for people. If you've ever doubted that God's love and power is real, I urge you to read this book. (and even if you haven't, I still think you should read it). :)
One thing I noticed about myself in the past weeks is that my interest in my appearance has been waning. Running through my head have been thoughts like, "I am freaking 27 years old and have no hair. Why should I bother to put on makeup?" I used to enjoy getting dressed up and such, but lately there's been no joy in it. Well, for whatever reason yesterday I woke up with a renewed spirit (has someone out there been praying for that?). I decided I was going to look nice for a change, and NOT like a cancer patient. I've had a wig for some time now that Aunt Betsy (who is currently battling cancer for the 3rd time) graciously lent me. I don't know why, but I never wanted to wear it. Yesterday I decided I would. I felt a little embarrassed about it at first, but once I got used to it, it was wonderful! I put on makeup, wore some favorite clothes, and had a really nice day of it! :) I'm back to the bandanna today, mostly because I don't know how to care for the wig. Note to self: call Aunt Betsy and ask her. :) Anyway, here's a picture of me in the wig. It's a little askew here, but you get the idea.
I had a wonderful lunch date today with Michelle Frie. She and her husband are pastors of Metro Harvest Church here in Menomonee Falls. I've gone twice (and Matt came with me this past week) and I really enjoy it.
Oh, another example of God's provision before I close this. Today I was at Target browsing the baby aisles and they had 7 cans of Enfamil ready-made formula on clearance for $2.50 (originally $6.50). I thought for a minute that maybe I shouldn't buy them, recalling the Bible story of the Israelites "storing up" manna and having it go bad because they weren't trusting God. But it's not like I went to Target to buy formula because I wasn't trusting God to provide. It was just there, and for such a good deal!! So I bought all they had. :) Then I got home and saw on my mess of a desk that I had Enfamil coupons (sent to me by my cousin Jodi...thanks Jodi!) for $5 off. So I will go back to Target with my receipt and see if they can still apply the coupon. I think they should be able to. Thank you God!
Hehe, I didn't think I'd get to write so much because Eva was getting fussy in her Pack N Play. But before I even had a chance to go get her, she fell asleep. she is such a sweet girl, and such a source of JOY in our lives. Thank you God for the gift of Eva.
May I recommend a book to all of you? I just finished it last night. It's called "The Cross and the Switchblade" by David Wilkerson. It's a true story of how a small-town pastor started a hugely effective ministry to some of New York's hardest gang members in the 1950's. (The ministry still exists today). The book itself is a page-turner; it simply tells a good and intriguing story. But what I absolutely love about it is that it depicts the purity of God's love and compassion for people. If you've ever doubted that God's love and power is real, I urge you to read this book. (and even if you haven't, I still think you should read it). :)
One thing I noticed about myself in the past weeks is that my interest in my appearance has been waning. Running through my head have been thoughts like, "I am freaking 27 years old and have no hair. Why should I bother to put on makeup?" I used to enjoy getting dressed up and such, but lately there's been no joy in it. Well, for whatever reason yesterday I woke up with a renewed spirit (has someone out there been praying for that?). I decided I was going to look nice for a change, and NOT like a cancer patient. I've had a wig for some time now that Aunt Betsy (who is currently battling cancer for the 3rd time) graciously lent me. I don't know why, but I never wanted to wear it. Yesterday I decided I would. I felt a little embarrassed about it at first, but once I got used to it, it was wonderful! I put on makeup, wore some favorite clothes, and had a really nice day of it! :) I'm back to the bandanna today, mostly because I don't know how to care for the wig. Note to self: call Aunt Betsy and ask her. :) Anyway, here's a picture of me in the wig. It's a little askew here, but you get the idea.
I had a wonderful lunch date today with Michelle Frie. She and her husband are pastors of Metro Harvest Church here in Menomonee Falls. I've gone twice (and Matt came with me this past week) and I really enjoy it.
Oh, another example of God's provision before I close this. Today I was at Target browsing the baby aisles and they had 7 cans of Enfamil ready-made formula on clearance for $2.50 (originally $6.50). I thought for a minute that maybe I shouldn't buy them, recalling the Bible story of the Israelites "storing up" manna and having it go bad because they weren't trusting God. But it's not like I went to Target to buy formula because I wasn't trusting God to provide. It was just there, and for such a good deal!! So I bought all they had. :) Then I got home and saw on my mess of a desk that I had Enfamil coupons (sent to me by my cousin Jodi...thanks Jodi!) for $5 off. So I will go back to Target with my receipt and see if they can still apply the coupon. I think they should be able to. Thank you God!
Hehe, I didn't think I'd get to write so much because Eva was getting fussy in her Pack N Play. But before I even had a chance to go get her, she fell asleep. she is such a sweet girl, and such a source of JOY in our lives. Thank you God for the gift of Eva.
Friday, September 3, 2010
On the upswing
Thanks for your prayers this week. I had some frustrating experiences involving insurance approving my new medicine at the beginning of this week, but thanks to my amazing mom everything is now worked out.
I had the first cycle of my new chemo on Monday. I can't say for sure yet, but I think it's going to be somewhat better than what I was on, though I'm not gonna lie...it still sucks. I'm now on Oxaliplatin (sp?), Avastin and a pill called Xeloda (which is a pill form of 5FU). I was able to eat at least a little each day, and that part seems to be getting better with time. I'm not sure how it'll be with the Xeloda pill because I take it for 2 weeks straight (rather than getting a big IV dose in one day). I thought I was going to be on an every 2-week cycle, but since I'm on Xeloda and not 5FU it's every 3 weeks. For this I'm grateful. Finding 5 days worth of help every 2 weeks would have been a logistical nightmare, and so very taxing on my mom and mother-in-law. It's hard enough for them as it is, and if I stop and think about it for more than 2 seconds I get so stressed about how stressed THEY must be. So I just don't think about it. I just hope they know how much I appreciate them. I will never be able to repay what they've done for us, and what they will do for us in the future. May God richly bless them.
My prayer these days is for strength. I am weary of the journey. A friend (Roger) gave me a list of Bible verses related to strength, and I read them as often as I think of it. I pray they will become food for my soul which will translate to strength for my body.
Matt's grandparents were here on Wednesday and they took us to Steinhafel's to buy us a mattress and box spring for our guest room. (Thank you so much "Nana and Papa!") I wanted so badly to go along even though I felt so sick. I just set my mind that I would go, and so I went. I am so glad I got to go. I hate missing things!!! I know it seems like something small, but it was important for me. Thank you Lord for the boost necessary to get off the couch.
Today I went to lunch with Mom and Michael. Again, I had to peel myself off the couch to go, but I'm so glad I did. My new phrase is, "I REFUSE to become weak." I realize my body needs rest after chemo, but I will not rest one SECOND longer than necessary. I have way too much life to live. After lunch, we stopped at the hardware store so I could get wood glue, sand paper, nail hole filler and Old English for a few little projects I want to do at home. I got part of them done today and hope to finish them tomorrow. Then, of course, I needed to rest.
Eva gets more spirited every day. She is so full of joy. I am ready to be well so that I may fully enjoy her. I try not to think that I'm "missing" any moments with her when I'm sick, but that the moments I'm well mean so much more because I appreciate them so much more than I ever would have before. I don't think you can go through something like this and not learn to appreciate every single moment.
Anyway, I hope I don't sound like a whiner or a complainer. I am grateful for so much, but it's hard to not wish for this battle to end and for the victory to be in-hand. I believe it is there in the future, and I just pray for patience as I wait in hope for the Lord.
I had the first cycle of my new chemo on Monday. I can't say for sure yet, but I think it's going to be somewhat better than what I was on, though I'm not gonna lie...it still sucks. I'm now on Oxaliplatin (sp?), Avastin and a pill called Xeloda (which is a pill form of 5FU). I was able to eat at least a little each day, and that part seems to be getting better with time. I'm not sure how it'll be with the Xeloda pill because I take it for 2 weeks straight (rather than getting a big IV dose in one day). I thought I was going to be on an every 2-week cycle, but since I'm on Xeloda and not 5FU it's every 3 weeks. For this I'm grateful. Finding 5 days worth of help every 2 weeks would have been a logistical nightmare, and so very taxing on my mom and mother-in-law. It's hard enough for them as it is, and if I stop and think about it for more than 2 seconds I get so stressed about how stressed THEY must be. So I just don't think about it. I just hope they know how much I appreciate them. I will never be able to repay what they've done for us, and what they will do for us in the future. May God richly bless them.
My prayer these days is for strength. I am weary of the journey. A friend (Roger) gave me a list of Bible verses related to strength, and I read them as often as I think of it. I pray they will become food for my soul which will translate to strength for my body.
Matt's grandparents were here on Wednesday and they took us to Steinhafel's to buy us a mattress and box spring for our guest room. (Thank you so much "Nana and Papa!") I wanted so badly to go along even though I felt so sick. I just set my mind that I would go, and so I went. I am so glad I got to go. I hate missing things!!! I know it seems like something small, but it was important for me. Thank you Lord for the boost necessary to get off the couch.
Today I went to lunch with Mom and Michael. Again, I had to peel myself off the couch to go, but I'm so glad I did. My new phrase is, "I REFUSE to become weak." I realize my body needs rest after chemo, but I will not rest one SECOND longer than necessary. I have way too much life to live. After lunch, we stopped at the hardware store so I could get wood glue, sand paper, nail hole filler and Old English for a few little projects I want to do at home. I got part of them done today and hope to finish them tomorrow. Then, of course, I needed to rest.
Eva gets more spirited every day. She is so full of joy. I am ready to be well so that I may fully enjoy her. I try not to think that I'm "missing" any moments with her when I'm sick, but that the moments I'm well mean so much more because I appreciate them so much more than I ever would have before. I don't think you can go through something like this and not learn to appreciate every single moment.
Anyway, I hope I don't sound like a whiner or a complainer. I am grateful for so much, but it's hard to not wish for this battle to end and for the victory to be in-hand. I believe it is there in the future, and I just pray for patience as I wait in hope for the Lord.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Home
Ah, we're home. Things went okay at M.D. Anderson. Many of the areas that they saw cancer in have shrunk, but two areas have gotten bigger. Because of this, Dr. V is changing my chemo. I now have to go every 2 weeks instead of every 3, but the new regimen will supposedly be easier on my body. I didn't even bother reading the side effects. I'd rather not know.
I will just keep on believing that my next scan will be cancer free. I was disappointed that this wasn't the one, but it's coming. I know it is.
In the meantime, please pray for me as I press on. Right now I feel just fine physically, but there is a weariness in me that is difficult to explain. Please pray for strength.
Oh, for the fun of it I'm going to tell you about our day yesterday. It was a little insane. Well, to add to the insanity you need to hear about Wednesday first. We left home at 4 a.m. for our 6 a.m. flight, parked in the remote lot at the airport in Milwaukee, caught our flight to Houston and arrived with enough time to eat lunch before I had to check in for my blood work and CT scan. After all the lovely CT scan prep (eww, eww, gag, gag), I finally got my scan at 7:30 p.m., and we got back to the hotel around 8:30...exhausted of course.
So yesterday I had my appointment with Dr. V at 8:30 a.m. and then we went back to our hotel to get the rental car and head to the airport. We got there at about 11 a.m. so we tried to change our flight from a 3:30 p.m. to a 12:10 p.m. 12:10 was full, so we asked to be put on standby. Turns out that plane had a stop in Orlando, and so even if we got on the 12:10 in Houston, there was no guarantee of a seat on the Orlando to Milwaukee leg, and if we didn't get on that one we'd be stuck in Orlando overnight. So scratch that, we stayed on the 3:30. I had such a desire to get home and see Eva that I was pretty upset we couldn't get on the earlier flight, but such is life. We hung out at the airport 'til about 2:30 when I got an automated courtesy call from Southwest saying that our 3:30 flight was now scheduled to depart at 5:45. Oh, and did I mention that there's no such thing as a direct Southwest flight from Houston to Milwaukee? No, this 3:30-turned-5:45 flight had a scheduled stop in Dallas and Kansas City before landing in Milwaukee so we'd be getting in VERY late. Anyway, this delay just about put me over the edge emotionally. I was not happy. I woke Matt up from his nap and asked if he wanted to try to get on a flight to Chicago instead. So we went to the counter and asked to switch to the Chicago flight departing at 3:15. God bless that ticket counter lady. She switched our flight, took one look at me and said, "Do you want to pre-board?" and gave us a "pre-board for disability" pass. Um, I didn't think I looked THAT bad, but I guess the free flight passes from Angel Flights plus the head scarf plus the fact that I'm pretty sure I laid my head on the counter in a "I am so done" way while she changed our flight added up to her making the conclusion that we needed to pre-board. I don't usually like to do anything that allows me to identify as "sick" if I can in any way avoid it, but whatever. We pre-boarded. Matt made a call to Amtrak to book tickets from Chicago to Milwaukee on the 8:05 p.m. train and we flew to Chicago arriving around 5:30 p.m. We hopped on the Orange Line train (good thing we know our way around Chicago), ironically passing by our city apartment (which we still have for another 9 days or something) and hopped off at Quincy to go to Union Station. We got to Union around 6:30, had a couple of cheap beers while we waited, and then got on the Amtrak at 8:05. We arrived at the Milwaukee Airport Amtrak stop at about 9:30 and got on a shuttle to take us to our car. (the Amtrak lot is not the same as the remote lot we'd parked in the morning before. Wow, was that just a day ago??) We asked the driver if he could take us to the "A Lot" and he said, "Yeah, I'll take you there" in a voice that clearly stated he would take us, but he wasn't happy about it. As he pulled into the lot, he asked where we were parked. Matt told him, "I don't really know. Just drop us off at the main shuttle stop and we'll find it." And, the dude says in his obviously annoyed tone, "Why didn't you just park in the Amtrak lot?" AHHHHHH, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but I will tell you this much. Dude was just lucky that: 1.) We are both pretty non-confrontational and 2.) We were both too tired to say much of anything anyway.
Unbelievable.
But anyway, new subject. Here's where I'm at tonight (besides exhausted as we just got home from a day at the zoo). God is good. He is healing my body, even if the physical evidence isn't there yet. I don't understand why I'm not better yet (or wasn't at the time of the scan) but I believe that I have a destiny that includes me surviving for many many more years, and so I WILL be healed.
Thank you all for your prayers. I ask that you continue to pray for my strength as I battle both physically and more importantly spiritually. John 10:10 says "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." So I claim that "life to the full" is for me, and know that cancer is NOT life to the full. I will be well and I will have life to the full once again. Please pray that I have the strength to hang on to such promises.
Thank you all!!
I will just keep on believing that my next scan will be cancer free. I was disappointed that this wasn't the one, but it's coming. I know it is.
In the meantime, please pray for me as I press on. Right now I feel just fine physically, but there is a weariness in me that is difficult to explain. Please pray for strength.
Oh, for the fun of it I'm going to tell you about our day yesterday. It was a little insane. Well, to add to the insanity you need to hear about Wednesday first. We left home at 4 a.m. for our 6 a.m. flight, parked in the remote lot at the airport in Milwaukee, caught our flight to Houston and arrived with enough time to eat lunch before I had to check in for my blood work and CT scan. After all the lovely CT scan prep (eww, eww, gag, gag), I finally got my scan at 7:30 p.m., and we got back to the hotel around 8:30...exhausted of course.
So yesterday I had my appointment with Dr. V at 8:30 a.m. and then we went back to our hotel to get the rental car and head to the airport. We got there at about 11 a.m. so we tried to change our flight from a 3:30 p.m. to a 12:10 p.m. 12:10 was full, so we asked to be put on standby. Turns out that plane had a stop in Orlando, and so even if we got on the 12:10 in Houston, there was no guarantee of a seat on the Orlando to Milwaukee leg, and if we didn't get on that one we'd be stuck in Orlando overnight. So scratch that, we stayed on the 3:30. I had such a desire to get home and see Eva that I was pretty upset we couldn't get on the earlier flight, but such is life. We hung out at the airport 'til about 2:30 when I got an automated courtesy call from Southwest saying that our 3:30 flight was now scheduled to depart at 5:45. Oh, and did I mention that there's no such thing as a direct Southwest flight from Houston to Milwaukee? No, this 3:30-turned-5:45 flight had a scheduled stop in Dallas and Kansas City before landing in Milwaukee so we'd be getting in VERY late. Anyway, this delay just about put me over the edge emotionally. I was not happy. I woke Matt up from his nap and asked if he wanted to try to get on a flight to Chicago instead. So we went to the counter and asked to switch to the Chicago flight departing at 3:15. God bless that ticket counter lady. She switched our flight, took one look at me and said, "Do you want to pre-board?" and gave us a "pre-board for disability" pass. Um, I didn't think I looked THAT bad, but I guess the free flight passes from Angel Flights plus the head scarf plus the fact that I'm pretty sure I laid my head on the counter in a "I am so done" way while she changed our flight added up to her making the conclusion that we needed to pre-board. I don't usually like to do anything that allows me to identify as "sick" if I can in any way avoid it, but whatever. We pre-boarded. Matt made a call to Amtrak to book tickets from Chicago to Milwaukee on the 8:05 p.m. train and we flew to Chicago arriving around 5:30 p.m. We hopped on the Orange Line train (good thing we know our way around Chicago), ironically passing by our city apartment (which we still have for another 9 days or something) and hopped off at Quincy to go to Union Station. We got to Union around 6:30, had a couple of cheap beers while we waited, and then got on the Amtrak at 8:05. We arrived at the Milwaukee Airport Amtrak stop at about 9:30 and got on a shuttle to take us to our car. (the Amtrak lot is not the same as the remote lot we'd parked in the morning before. Wow, was that just a day ago??) We asked the driver if he could take us to the "A Lot" and he said, "Yeah, I'll take you there" in a voice that clearly stated he would take us, but he wasn't happy about it. As he pulled into the lot, he asked where we were parked. Matt told him, "I don't really know. Just drop us off at the main shuttle stop and we'll find it." And, the dude says in his obviously annoyed tone, "Why didn't you just park in the Amtrak lot?" AHHHHHH, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but I will tell you this much. Dude was just lucky that: 1.) We are both pretty non-confrontational and 2.) We were both too tired to say much of anything anyway.
Unbelievable.
But anyway, new subject. Here's where I'm at tonight (besides exhausted as we just got home from a day at the zoo). God is good. He is healing my body, even if the physical evidence isn't there yet. I don't understand why I'm not better yet (or wasn't at the time of the scan) but I believe that I have a destiny that includes me surviving for many many more years, and so I WILL be healed.
Thank you all for your prayers. I ask that you continue to pray for my strength as I battle both physically and more importantly spiritually. John 10:10 says "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." So I claim that "life to the full" is for me, and know that cancer is NOT life to the full. I will be well and I will have life to the full once again. Please pray that I have the strength to hang on to such promises.
Thank you all!!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Houston
Another long overdue post. My time to write gets shorter and shorter as little Eva chose 6 months of age as her preferred time to start crawling/scooting/dragging herself across the floor. Whatever you call it, she gets where she wants to go, and she does so rather quickly. Un momento as I go redirect her toward toys and away from electrical outlets...
Anyway, I wanted to let you all know a couple of things.
1. My tumor markers continue to go down. Praise God!
2. Wednesday and Thursday of this week I go to M.D. Anderson for a CT scan (Wednesday afternoon) and an appointment with Dr. Varadhachary (Thursday morning). Matt is coming with me, and Eva is staying with Grandma Jeanette.
Please pray for our trip and the results of the scan. I am believing wholeheartedly that eventually my body will catch up with what my spirit already knows, and I will have a clean bill of health. I am praying that this would be the scan that shows I am cancer-free. Please join me in that prayer.
Also, as mentioned on this blog before, I have pain that has come and gone away twice now in my upper left abdomen. The timing of it is bizarre (it comes 1 week before I have chemo, and goes away when I get chemo). I talked to a nurse practitioner (Kristi) today, and she thought it could be related to the Neulasta injection that I get after chemo to boost my blood counts, because it can possibly cause spleen enlargement. But she seemed to think it was bizarre timing for it to be that. She offered no other suggestions though. Let me for one moment vent. I am SO SICK OF BEING A MEDICAL MYSTERY. But I have to just thank God that He knows all things, and that He is trustworthy and with me on this insane journey. That being said, the end of this week or early next week when the pain would be "due" to return, and I am just praying against that. I don't care what it's from, I refuse to let pain rule my life.
Oh, another piece of good news to share. I had my 4th round of chemo on Aug 5th, and this time the recovery has been the best yet. I had less nausea, very little loss of appetite, and less of the other horrid side effects that have accompanied my chemo in the past. Especially since I'm told that chemo side effects are often cumulative (they get worse each time) I find this awesome. I believe that God is carrying me through this and that is why it is not effecting me nearly as badly as it could.
So that's the update. A HUGE thank you to everyone for your continued support and prayers. For those who make meals or come to be with me and Eva after chemo, you are my angels. To my mom and Jeanette for sacrificing SO MUCH for us, you are amazing and I love you so much.
I will post more after I return from Houston. Bye for now!
Anyway, I wanted to let you all know a couple of things.
1. My tumor markers continue to go down. Praise God!
2. Wednesday and Thursday of this week I go to M.D. Anderson for a CT scan (Wednesday afternoon) and an appointment with Dr. Varadhachary (Thursday morning). Matt is coming with me, and Eva is staying with Grandma Jeanette.
Please pray for our trip and the results of the scan. I am believing wholeheartedly that eventually my body will catch up with what my spirit already knows, and I will have a clean bill of health. I am praying that this would be the scan that shows I am cancer-free. Please join me in that prayer.
Also, as mentioned on this blog before, I have pain that has come and gone away twice now in my upper left abdomen. The timing of it is bizarre (it comes 1 week before I have chemo, and goes away when I get chemo). I talked to a nurse practitioner (Kristi) today, and she thought it could be related to the Neulasta injection that I get after chemo to boost my blood counts, because it can possibly cause spleen enlargement. But she seemed to think it was bizarre timing for it to be that. She offered no other suggestions though. Let me for one moment vent. I am SO SICK OF BEING A MEDICAL MYSTERY. But I have to just thank God that He knows all things, and that He is trustworthy and with me on this insane journey. That being said, the end of this week or early next week when the pain would be "due" to return, and I am just praying against that. I don't care what it's from, I refuse to let pain rule my life.
Oh, another piece of good news to share. I had my 4th round of chemo on Aug 5th, and this time the recovery has been the best yet. I had less nausea, very little loss of appetite, and less of the other horrid side effects that have accompanied my chemo in the past. Especially since I'm told that chemo side effects are often cumulative (they get worse each time) I find this awesome. I believe that God is carrying me through this and that is why it is not effecting me nearly as badly as it could.
So that's the update. A HUGE thank you to everyone for your continued support and prayers. For those who make meals or come to be with me and Eva after chemo, you are my angels. To my mom and Jeanette for sacrificing SO MUCH for us, you are amazing and I love you so much.
I will post more after I return from Houston. Bye for now!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Provision
I told my mom the other day that all of the formula we've been given for Eva is like manna from heaven. However, I was almost out. But I told her I wasn't going to buy more until I was totally out. When the Israelites tried to save manna for more than a day, it went bad. God provides right now, in THIS moment, and he wants us to rely on Him for the right now, and not worry about tomorrow. So it was just on my heart that I wasn't going to buy more formula until Eva literally had no more to eat. Within 2 days of telling my mom this, look at the provision!
This was all free in the past few days.
There has been SO much formula given to me. Since I had to stop breastfeeding, I have only had to buy 1 or 2 tubs of formula...probably what I would have bought anyway, even if I was still breastfeeding, to use for convenience. I am blown away by God's provision, and by the generosity of those who have given me their formula samples or just bought formula for Eva. We are so blessed and so grateful.
I've been having some pain lately. It's in my abdomen on the left side, and has been keeping me from sleeping. I asked God for relief on my birthday, and He gave it to me. I slept all night with no pain medication at all. The pain is back somewhat today, and I asked the doctor about it. His theory is that the chemo is causing inflammation in my bowels, and that is causing the pain. I pray against the pain, the root of the pain, and any other chemo side effects from today's treatment. I don't want to put up with this physical torment anymore, so I just pray against it, and pray that God's healing power will be upon me.
Thanks for all your prayers and support!!!
This was all free in the past few days.
There has been SO much formula given to me. Since I had to stop breastfeeding, I have only had to buy 1 or 2 tubs of formula...probably what I would have bought anyway, even if I was still breastfeeding, to use for convenience. I am blown away by God's provision, and by the generosity of those who have given me their formula samples or just bought formula for Eva. We are so blessed and so grateful.
I've been having some pain lately. It's in my abdomen on the left side, and has been keeping me from sleeping. I asked God for relief on my birthday, and He gave it to me. I slept all night with no pain medication at all. The pain is back somewhat today, and I asked the doctor about it. His theory is that the chemo is causing inflammation in my bowels, and that is causing the pain. I pray against the pain, the root of the pain, and any other chemo side effects from today's treatment. I don't want to put up with this physical torment anymore, so I just pray against it, and pray that God's healing power will be upon me.
Thanks for all your prayers and support!!!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Time
As I mentioned, I've been busy. I apologize for the delay. But I have a little time now so I will let you know what's going on.
We closed on our house last Friday, and after cleaning and getting things ready over the weekend (with SO much help. THANK YOU to everyone who helped!) we began moving in on Tuesday. Now, pretty much all our boxes are unpacked though not everything is organized. It's functional, so the rest can be a work in progress.
Today, we bought a 2nd car. It's a 2007 Ford Fusion. Woohoo! Pictures to come... Now, no more spending money for a while. :)
Yesterday I made the mistake of letting myself begin to feel sorry for myself. We were unpacking while watching Eva learn to crawl (she's getting scary good), and I let bitterness creep in. I let feelings of "this would be the PERFECT life if I didn't have cancer" take root, along with thoughts of "God, what are you DOING? I'm trusting you to heal me, so why hasn't it happened yet?" And then, of course, one negative thought lead to another: I hate that I don't have hair and have to wear these stupid scarves. I hate that everything that's supposed to be joyful is overshadowed by this dark cloud. I hate that I've never abused my body yet this still happened. Hate hate hate. Wah Wah Wah.
Now, I'm not saying it's wrong to be sad once in a while, but letting these types of thoughts live for more than a moment is unfruitful and unhealthy and frankly disobedient. I am to be joyful in all things (yep, that's ALL things, even cancer). I am called to trust. I am told to take all thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) and make them obedient to Christ. To me, what that means is to stop these thoughts in their tracks and not let them go where they please. When I do let them go where they please, I end up like last night, in bed sobbing, feeling sorry for myself. When I take thoughts captive, which I am generally in the habit of doing, I am joyful and faith filled. It is where faith exists that I give God room to work. And more than ever, I NEED Him to work in my life.
I am praying for my relationship with God to become more real than it has ever been. I don't want the relationship to be all about my healing. I want it to be about knowing Him and understanding His love and letting that love transform me. I feel like I'm on the brink of something big. I'm not sure what, but it's going to be amazing.
I never wrote about this, but a few weeks back my brother and I went to Minnesota to the Andrew Wommack Gospel Truth Seminar. I had hoped to meet Andrew and have him pray for me, but it didn't work out that way. Instead, I met a woman named Melinda who is head of their prayer team. She was one of those people who I just trusted from the moment we began talking. She has seen miracles happen: she has prayed for cancer to be healed before, and it has been healed. And her husband was a quadriplegic who was told he would never walk again or use one of his hands. I met him. He does both.
Anyway, Melinda prayed for me. She knew nothing about me except that I had cancer. I didn't spend time telling her my story like I do most people. She didn't pray for my spirit of fear to be gone, like other people have done (which was refreshing since I don't have fear.) She prayed for the cancer to die and leave my body in Jesus' name. Then she stopped and asked if I had any kids. I told her about Eva. She said, "You want more, don't you?" Now for those of you who don't know me, I have always had one dream and that is to be a wife and a mother. I have always wanted 6 kids. I have always known that I would fight to have a good marriage and choose to love and respect my husband in all things. When I first was diagnosed I was sitting at Pizza Hut with my mom and I was angry. I was telling her that while I knew God could do great things with me through this trial, this is NOT what I wanted my ministry to be. I wanted to be a good wife and a mom, and help other people to be good wives and mothers. THAT is what I wanted my ministry to be. Anyway, back to Melinda. I told her that yes, I wanted to have more kids. She smiled and said something along the lines of, "You will. You'll have lots of kids. I can just see them all with you. And...you'll help other moms who are having trouble. That is your purpose." I began laughing through my tears. It was God reassuring me that he has a plan for my life, and it is not to end here or anytime soon and that he will give me the desires of my heart. I have never had anyone speak about my future like that, especially someone who doesn't know me. It was powerful, and I am grateful for the experience.
Well, I should go. I think Matt and I are going to play some Mario Kart Wii and then go to bed. I will try to write more often now that I should have more time.
-Please pray for my physical health as I approach another round of chemo on 8/5. I dread these treatments more than anything.
-For perseverance as I press on in faith. I am struggling with worrying about what other people will think as I step out in radical faith, so I pray for complete abandon to His will.
-For Matt and me - for our marriage as we face trying and stressful times.
We closed on our house last Friday, and after cleaning and getting things ready over the weekend (with SO much help. THANK YOU to everyone who helped!) we began moving in on Tuesday. Now, pretty much all our boxes are unpacked though not everything is organized. It's functional, so the rest can be a work in progress.
Today, we bought a 2nd car. It's a 2007 Ford Fusion. Woohoo! Pictures to come... Now, no more spending money for a while. :)
Yesterday I made the mistake of letting myself begin to feel sorry for myself. We were unpacking while watching Eva learn to crawl (she's getting scary good), and I let bitterness creep in. I let feelings of "this would be the PERFECT life if I didn't have cancer" take root, along with thoughts of "God, what are you DOING? I'm trusting you to heal me, so why hasn't it happened yet?" And then, of course, one negative thought lead to another: I hate that I don't have hair and have to wear these stupid scarves. I hate that everything that's supposed to be joyful is overshadowed by this dark cloud. I hate that I've never abused my body yet this still happened. Hate hate hate. Wah Wah Wah.
Now, I'm not saying it's wrong to be sad once in a while, but letting these types of thoughts live for more than a moment is unfruitful and unhealthy and frankly disobedient. I am to be joyful in all things (yep, that's ALL things, even cancer). I am called to trust. I am told to take all thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) and make them obedient to Christ. To me, what that means is to stop these thoughts in their tracks and not let them go where they please. When I do let them go where they please, I end up like last night, in bed sobbing, feeling sorry for myself. When I take thoughts captive, which I am generally in the habit of doing, I am joyful and faith filled. It is where faith exists that I give God room to work. And more than ever, I NEED Him to work in my life.
I am praying for my relationship with God to become more real than it has ever been. I don't want the relationship to be all about my healing. I want it to be about knowing Him and understanding His love and letting that love transform me. I feel like I'm on the brink of something big. I'm not sure what, but it's going to be amazing.
I never wrote about this, but a few weeks back my brother and I went to Minnesota to the Andrew Wommack Gospel Truth Seminar. I had hoped to meet Andrew and have him pray for me, but it didn't work out that way. Instead, I met a woman named Melinda who is head of their prayer team. She was one of those people who I just trusted from the moment we began talking. She has seen miracles happen: she has prayed for cancer to be healed before, and it has been healed. And her husband was a quadriplegic who was told he would never walk again or use one of his hands. I met him. He does both.
Anyway, Melinda prayed for me. She knew nothing about me except that I had cancer. I didn't spend time telling her my story like I do most people. She didn't pray for my spirit of fear to be gone, like other people have done (which was refreshing since I don't have fear.) She prayed for the cancer to die and leave my body in Jesus' name. Then she stopped and asked if I had any kids. I told her about Eva. She said, "You want more, don't you?" Now for those of you who don't know me, I have always had one dream and that is to be a wife and a mother. I have always wanted 6 kids. I have always known that I would fight to have a good marriage and choose to love and respect my husband in all things. When I first was diagnosed I was sitting at Pizza Hut with my mom and I was angry. I was telling her that while I knew God could do great things with me through this trial, this is NOT what I wanted my ministry to be. I wanted to be a good wife and a mom, and help other people to be good wives and mothers. THAT is what I wanted my ministry to be. Anyway, back to Melinda. I told her that yes, I wanted to have more kids. She smiled and said something along the lines of, "You will. You'll have lots of kids. I can just see them all with you. And...you'll help other moms who are having trouble. That is your purpose." I began laughing through my tears. It was God reassuring me that he has a plan for my life, and it is not to end here or anytime soon and that he will give me the desires of my heart. I have never had anyone speak about my future like that, especially someone who doesn't know me. It was powerful, and I am grateful for the experience.
Well, I should go. I think Matt and I are going to play some Mario Kart Wii and then go to bed. I will try to write more often now that I should have more time.
-Please pray for my physical health as I approach another round of chemo on 8/5. I dread these treatments more than anything.
-For perseverance as I press on in faith. I am struggling with worrying about what other people will think as I step out in radical faith, so I pray for complete abandon to His will.
-For Matt and me - for our marriage as we face trying and stressful times.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Busy Busy
Just a quick note to say I'm sorry I haven't been writing. Ever since recovering from my last round of chemo, I have been SO BUSY!! We're closing on our house in 2 days, and are in the process of moving and doing all the lovely things that accompany moving.
Things are going fine, but I would ask for your prayers. For Matt and for myself, I ask for prayer for a childlike faith that doesn't question what God is doing, but just believes.
Things are going fine, but I would ask for your prayers. For Matt and for myself, I ask for prayer for a childlike faith that doesn't question what God is doing, but just believes.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Hi :)
I just love this picture. It's from Bay Beach that day I was supposed to go to chemo but didn't. :) I love how ever since we were dating, Matt would invite me to sit on his lap, but I would protest that I'm too heavy. He would say "No you're not." So I would sit, and he would inevitably at some point make some kind of groaning noise indicating that yes, in fact, I was too heavy. I think something like that happened in this picture. :)
Chemo has once again knocked me on my keester (not gonna lie...I had to look up how to spell that since it's not my standby alternative-for-backside term) and I hate it more than ever. I just keep praying that if this really is the way that God has planned healing for me, He will continue to give me strength to get through it.
The good news, however, is that the most prominent effect from it this time is exhaustion. Not the awful GI stuff I've had the last 2 times. For this, I am grateful. So very grateful.
As one of my inspirations, Niki Ochenski Weller, who went through 5 long years of illness before being healed said, "I used to tell God, 'I can do anything for half a second.'" I've felt that way many times over the last few days. God is there, always, without fail, in that half a second. He is NOW. He is not in the "What happens next time I have to go for treatment? Who will take care of Eva? How will I get through moving into a new house?" or the zillions of other things I could be worrying about. He is in the right now this instant. And in this very instant He is faithful. Of course He does hold my future, but we're not there yet. We're here, in this half of a second. And I thank Him for always being there.
Friday, July 9, 2010
More Info
I just spoke to the nurse practitioner Lindsey, and got some more information. For those of you who want medical details, here you go!
The latest scan was done at Waukesha Memorial. The scan that they're comparing it to was done at Froedtert. Since it was a different machine I'm told they can't compare the two scans in regard to size of tumors. (which to me begs the question, why didn't they do a scan when I first started treatment at Waukesha Memorial to use as a baseline?) But whatever...
-On a previous scan, they had seen a 6mm nodule in one of my lungs. It is no longer there.
-My enlarged lymph node has shrunk considerably. My M.D. Anderson scan had it at 10cm. It is now measuring 3cm.
-The large tumor in my liver has shrunk
-My tumor markers continue to go down. CA 125 was in the 200's, 2 weeks ago was at 87.2 and is now 74.5. CEA was in the 400's, 2 weeks ago was 125 and now is 110.61.
One thing that I need to work on is my belief that God can heal cancer. Of course on an intellectual level, I know that He can because He can do anything. And experientially, I've heard of so many stories of cancers being cured. But from time to time, it will enter my mind that cancer is especially tough. I'm sure this is because compared to a sinus infection, medically, it IS much tougher. But God who knitted me together in my mother's womb and created my inmost being (Psalm 139:13) and is able to do imeasurably more than all I ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within me (Ephesians 3:20) can surely take care of a little (or a lot of) cancer.
The latest scan was done at Waukesha Memorial. The scan that they're comparing it to was done at Froedtert. Since it was a different machine I'm told they can't compare the two scans in regard to size of tumors. (which to me begs the question, why didn't they do a scan when I first started treatment at Waukesha Memorial to use as a baseline?) But whatever...
-On a previous scan, they had seen a 6mm nodule in one of my lungs. It is no longer there.
-My enlarged lymph node has shrunk considerably. My M.D. Anderson scan had it at 10cm. It is now measuring 3cm.
-The large tumor in my liver has shrunk
-My tumor markers continue to go down. CA 125 was in the 200's, 2 weeks ago was at 87.2 and is now 74.5. CEA was in the 400's, 2 weeks ago was 125 and now is 110.61.
One thing that I need to work on is my belief that God can heal cancer. Of course on an intellectual level, I know that He can because He can do anything. And experientially, I've heard of so many stories of cancers being cured. But from time to time, it will enter my mind that cancer is especially tough. I'm sure this is because compared to a sinus infection, medically, it IS much tougher. But God who knitted me together in my mother's womb and created my inmost being (Psalm 139:13) and is able to do imeasurably more than all I ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within me (Ephesians 3:20) can surely take care of a little (or a lot of) cancer.
Sorry for the Delay
I'm sorry for the delay in updating. It's been a busy couple of weeks! I was scheduled to get chemo a week ago, and I postponed it so that I could enjoy a day at Bay Beach with my family, the 4th of July, and Matt's and my anniversary on 7/7. As I write now, I am at the hospital receiving my chemo pre-meds.
I received my PET scan results, and while they are not cancer-free as I had hoped, things look okay. There's really no new news to share except that my swollen lymph node that I was told at one point was 10 cm is now measuring 3 cm. Praise God for that!
I feel I should address the fact that it wasn't cancer-free as I had declared it would be. I believe that God's healing is powerfully at work in my body, even though it's just not physically evident yet. The scan was already 2 weeks ago, so who knows what's going on at this very moment! I don't understand the process, but I know the end result that I have been promised. By His stripes we have been healed (1 Peter 2:24). My prayer is that the physical manifestation of it will come quickly so that others will believe. I also want the manifestation so I don't have to have anymore of this awful treatment. I hate to complain, but it is really horrid. I ask for your prayers this weekend and all of next week as I deal with the side effects.
In the meantime, I am searching my heart for anything that may be hindering me from receiving my miracle. God has shown me a few things that I need to deal with, and I plan to do so just as soon as possible. I ask that you would also pray with me for wisdom as I seek His face and learn about anything He may want me to do. (note: I do not feel that I need to "earn" my healing by my works. Rather, I feel that in order to receive from God I need to have a good relationship with Him. And if I have bitterness and unbelief in any area of my life, that could hinder my receiving.)
I've had some very exciting answers to prayer. One was that I asked God to bring someone into my life who had been healed of cancer. Yesterday my friend Cindy was over, and told me about her friend Angela who was healed from Leukemia after Angela's brother Matt prayed for her. Tonight, Cindy, Angela, and Matt (who, "ironicaly" I know from years and years ago)are coming over to tell her story and to pray with me. Awesome!!!
I'll write more about the other answer to prayer when I have more details. But it's shaping up to be pretty amazing.
God bless you all. Keep believing!! God is so good!
I received my PET scan results, and while they are not cancer-free as I had hoped, things look okay. There's really no new news to share except that my swollen lymph node that I was told at one point was 10 cm is now measuring 3 cm. Praise God for that!
I feel I should address the fact that it wasn't cancer-free as I had declared it would be. I believe that God's healing is powerfully at work in my body, even though it's just not physically evident yet. The scan was already 2 weeks ago, so who knows what's going on at this very moment! I don't understand the process, but I know the end result that I have been promised. By His stripes we have been healed (1 Peter 2:24). My prayer is that the physical manifestation of it will come quickly so that others will believe. I also want the manifestation so I don't have to have anymore of this awful treatment. I hate to complain, but it is really horrid. I ask for your prayers this weekend and all of next week as I deal with the side effects.
In the meantime, I am searching my heart for anything that may be hindering me from receiving my miracle. God has shown me a few things that I need to deal with, and I plan to do so just as soon as possible. I ask that you would also pray with me for wisdom as I seek His face and learn about anything He may want me to do. (note: I do not feel that I need to "earn" my healing by my works. Rather, I feel that in order to receive from God I need to have a good relationship with Him. And if I have bitterness and unbelief in any area of my life, that could hinder my receiving.)
I've had some very exciting answers to prayer. One was that I asked God to bring someone into my life who had been healed of cancer. Yesterday my friend Cindy was over, and told me about her friend Angela who was healed from Leukemia after Angela's brother Matt prayed for her. Tonight, Cindy, Angela, and Matt (who, "ironicaly" I know from years and years ago)are coming over to tell her story and to pray with me. Awesome!!!
I'll write more about the other answer to prayer when I have more details. But it's shaping up to be pretty amazing.
God bless you all. Keep believing!! God is so good!
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