So I get my port and start chemo tomorrow. It's going to be a loooong day. Please pray for stamina! I am also praying that the side effects of the chemo are little to none.
We received wonderful wonderful news today. Wait for it...my husband's job in Wisconsin will become permanent! We won't have to move back to Chicago. (Sorry to all my Chicago friends. While we would have loved to be with you again, Wisconsin is where we need to be right now). :) Thank you to God for this blessing! We will begin looking for houses in this area soon.
Oh, I wanted to mention something. I have tried so hard to keep up with life lately, but I am falling behind in many areas. One of these is my email. If you have written to me and I haven't replied, I do apologize. Rest assured, I am reading each and every email, and they touch my heart deeply. One day soon I hope to respond to them all personally.
Well, that's all for now. My peace is unwavering. God is so good!!!
Love to you all!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Blessings
I am so blessed. There is so much to be thankful for. Last night I was on the floor playing with Eva and I looked up at Matt and said, "It doesn't get any better than this, does it?" He said, "Yeah it does. You could not have cancer." I just shrugged. Don't get me wrong...I hate cancer, I REALLY hate it. But it cannot defeat me. My God has overcome the world, and He lives within me. What do I have to be afraid of?
Yesterday was a big day for Eva. She turned 15 weeks old, and she figured out how to roll over from back to stomach. She does it constantly now, and then gets mad that she's on her stomach. She also slept in her own room for the very first time and did pretty well. Such a big girl! :)
I'm heading to Madison today to see my former boss and dear friend Jacque. God has healed her physically, and I am excited to hear her story in its entirety and to receive prayer from her and her friends.
Oh, guess what I did yesterday? I was backing out of the garage and I misjudged how much space I had and I completely destroyed the driver's side mirror on the car. D'oh! My friend Taylor Last is going to fix it for me once I go to Milwaukee to get the part. Hopefully I can do that tomorrow. I really shouldn't drive. This is not the first time something like this has happened...
Tomorrow is my initial consult with my oncologist (Dr. Johnson) at Waukesha Memorial. It's at 2:45. From there I'll get my chemo plan. I'll keep you all posted.
Yesterday was a big day for Eva. She turned 15 weeks old, and she figured out how to roll over from back to stomach. She does it constantly now, and then gets mad that she's on her stomach. She also slept in her own room for the very first time and did pretty well. Such a big girl! :)
I'm heading to Madison today to see my former boss and dear friend Jacque. God has healed her physically, and I am excited to hear her story in its entirety and to receive prayer from her and her friends.
Oh, guess what I did yesterday? I was backing out of the garage and I misjudged how much space I had and I completely destroyed the driver's side mirror on the car. D'oh! My friend Taylor Last is going to fix it for me once I go to Milwaukee to get the part. Hopefully I can do that tomorrow. I really shouldn't drive. This is not the first time something like this has happened...
Tomorrow is my initial consult with my oncologist (Dr. Johnson) at Waukesha Memorial. It's at 2:45. From there I'll get my chemo plan. I'll keep you all posted.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
The Wedding!
We were so blessed to be able to attend the wedding of Emily and Jeff! It was such a spectacular celebration. Thank you for all of your prayers, and thank you to God for working out the logistics to bring us back in time! Emily was a gorgeous bride, as you can see from the picture below. An "official" welcome to the family, Jeff! I sincerely pray that your marriage is full of many blessings. Matt and I have enjoyed marriage SO much. I can't imagine anything better (well, maybe having a baby ties it), and I truly hope you will be able to say the same thing in the future!
On to my health...I'm still feeling pretty good. My back does hurt, and sometimes my abdomen around my ribs hurts too, which the doctor explained is because of a lymph node in my abdomen that is swollen to 10 cm at one measurement (about 4 in). This is pressing on nerves and causing the pain. So let's pray that this lymph node shrinks!!!
I am learning so much about trusting God. There's something about top experts in the medical field being unable to diagnose me that has caused an awesome surrender on my part. I no longer wonder about the "what ifs" I wrote about in a previous post. I know if I had a name for this cancer, I would be looking up statistics and trying to figure out how to beat them. Without a name, without a diagnosis, I am learning to just trust. It doesn't matter what the statistics would show. God has this all figured out. He knows the name of this disease. As someone said to me this weekend (in an awesome British accent) at Andrew Wommack's seminar, "Cancer has a name. And Jesus has a name. And Jesus's name is above cancer." Yes, He is the Name above all names.
When I look to the future - which I don't do very often as I have learned through this trial the true meaning of living moment by moment - I see myself well and healthy, raising a family with my wonderful husband and glorifying the God who heals, because I now believe that I will receive healing.
I met some incredible people at the wedding and gift opening this weekend who I never would have met had it not been for cancer. Among them were Matthew (who's about my age), a cancer survivor for 13 years, and his mom Nannette. What amazing people! I have observed that there is a certain depth and intrigue to people who have been through serious trials and have determined to learn from them and use them for good rather than become bitter and/or angry. These people are inspiring to me as I refuse to let cancer win. And when I say I won't let it win, I do mean physically but even more so I refuse to let cancer cause me to suffer without purpose. I will let God use this trial to shape me into a closer resemblance of Jesus.
Anyway, Nannette and Matt...thank you for your encouragement. Thank you also, Nan, for your encouragement to my mom. In the past 3 1/2 months since Eva was born I have experienced a love never before imagined. And because of this, it causes me great pain to think of what my mom must be suffering for me right now. She is so strong, and her faith is unwavering. However, in no way does that make it easy for her. I am sure it was very uplifting to talk to a mother of a survivor.
Well, I suppose this is getting long and I am not gonna lie...I'm exhausted! I definitely skipped church this morning to sleep. I know God understands. I just couldn't pull myself together and get dressed early enough.
My prayer requests for now are this:
On to my health...I'm still feeling pretty good. My back does hurt, and sometimes my abdomen around my ribs hurts too, which the doctor explained is because of a lymph node in my abdomen that is swollen to 10 cm at one measurement (about 4 in). This is pressing on nerves and causing the pain. So let's pray that this lymph node shrinks!!!
I am learning so much about trusting God. There's something about top experts in the medical field being unable to diagnose me that has caused an awesome surrender on my part. I no longer wonder about the "what ifs" I wrote about in a previous post. I know if I had a name for this cancer, I would be looking up statistics and trying to figure out how to beat them. Without a name, without a diagnosis, I am learning to just trust. It doesn't matter what the statistics would show. God has this all figured out. He knows the name of this disease. As someone said to me this weekend (in an awesome British accent) at Andrew Wommack's seminar, "Cancer has a name. And Jesus has a name. And Jesus's name is above cancer." Yes, He is the Name above all names.
When I look to the future - which I don't do very often as I have learned through this trial the true meaning of living moment by moment - I see myself well and healthy, raising a family with my wonderful husband and glorifying the God who heals, because I now believe that I will receive healing.
I met some incredible people at the wedding and gift opening this weekend who I never would have met had it not been for cancer. Among them were Matthew (who's about my age), a cancer survivor for 13 years, and his mom Nannette. What amazing people! I have observed that there is a certain depth and intrigue to people who have been through serious trials and have determined to learn from them and use them for good rather than become bitter and/or angry. These people are inspiring to me as I refuse to let cancer win. And when I say I won't let it win, I do mean physically but even more so I refuse to let cancer cause me to suffer without purpose. I will let God use this trial to shape me into a closer resemblance of Jesus.
Anyway, Nannette and Matt...thank you for your encouragement. Thank you also, Nan, for your encouragement to my mom. In the past 3 1/2 months since Eva was born I have experienced a love never before imagined. And because of this, it causes me great pain to think of what my mom must be suffering for me right now. She is so strong, and her faith is unwavering. However, in no way does that make it easy for her. I am sure it was very uplifting to talk to a mother of a survivor.
Well, I suppose this is getting long and I am not gonna lie...I'm exhausted! I definitely skipped church this morning to sleep. I know God understands. I just couldn't pull myself together and get dressed early enough.
My prayer requests for now are this:
- That my back pain will subside
- That I will seek to know Jesus more each and every day and be in constant communion with Him
Thursday, May 13, 2010
The Plan
So I have CUP. Carcinoma of Unknown Primary. That's the best they can do for a diagnosis. It could be lung (that's a new one), pancreatic, bile duct, or neuroendocrine cancer. At one point today I looked at Dr. Varadhachary (one of the most brilliant medical minds out there, I'm told) and just laughed. I said, "This is absurd." She said, "It is absurd." She also made sure to note that none of this makes any sense...there is no reason she can figure out that I should have this type (whatever it is) of cancer.
She also told me to keep my spirit, that it is incredible. I told her I have a lot of faith.
The good news: we get to be home for Emily's wedding!!! Thank you all for your prayers about this. I am so thankful. SO thankful!
I am to start chemo next week sometime. This includes getting a port put in and stopping breast feeding. I am not worried about either of these things. I'm just taking one day at a time. And I continue to pray and trust.
When Dr. V walked into the office today, I started to feel very anxious, as I did before my appointments with Dr. Evans. I had a quick word with myself about God being in control, and the anxiety went away and didn't come back...even when she told me she could not tell me if my cancer is curable or not (since she doesn't know what I have).
Here's the thing...I am in the hands of the great Healer. He is my rock. He has met every need in my life until this point, so why would I stop trusting him now, just because this is a rough spot? I need Him now more than ever.
We're headed home tomorrow, and stopping in Chicago for the night. I'm going to Lombard with my dear brother Michael to see Andrew Wommack (a pastor). He has a ministry that has intrigued me as of late.
Thank you all for your prayers. Love to you all.
She also told me to keep my spirit, that it is incredible. I told her I have a lot of faith.
The good news: we get to be home for Emily's wedding!!! Thank you all for your prayers about this. I am so thankful. SO thankful!
I am to start chemo next week sometime. This includes getting a port put in and stopping breast feeding. I am not worried about either of these things. I'm just taking one day at a time. And I continue to pray and trust.
When Dr. V walked into the office today, I started to feel very anxious, as I did before my appointments with Dr. Evans. I had a quick word with myself about God being in control, and the anxiety went away and didn't come back...even when she told me she could not tell me if my cancer is curable or not (since she doesn't know what I have).
Here's the thing...I am in the hands of the great Healer. He is my rock. He has met every need in my life until this point, so why would I stop trusting him now, just because this is a rough spot? I need Him now more than ever.
We're headed home tomorrow, and stopping in Chicago for the night. I'm going to Lombard with my dear brother Michael to see Andrew Wommack (a pastor). He has a ministry that has intrigued me as of late.
Thank you all for your prayers. Love to you all.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The Zoo
We spent today at the Houston Zoo. It was so much fun! While looking at the animals I couldn't help but think about all the amazing things God created and how he takes care of them by giving them all kinds of natural defenses. How much more will He take care of me.
Luke 12:6-7
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Our friend Rachel arrived this morning safe and sound. I'm so grateful that she's here and can help with Eva!
My CT scan will be tomorrow at 7 a.m. as originally planned and my follow up with Dr. Varadhachary is at 1:30 p.m. Please continue to pray that we can come home on Friday!
Luke 12:6-7
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Our friend Rachel arrived this morning safe and sound. I'm so grateful that she's here and can help with Eva!
My CT scan will be tomorrow at 7 a.m. as originally planned and my follow up with Dr. Varadhachary is at 1:30 p.m. Please continue to pray that we can come home on Friday!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
So Much Hope
Today we were at M.D. Anderson, and I was thinking "I should be so scared. I should be so uneasy. But I'm not. At all." God has given me so much hope. He is with me in such a real way. I didn't become anxious before meeting Dr. Varadhachary (as I had before meeting Dr. Evans). I feel like God is doing something so big that I cannot even begin to understand, and for that I am excited. He is bigger and more powerful than even the best doctor in the world. Does this peace that I have seem counter intuitive to anyone else? I am awed at it, because I realize this kind of peace can only come from God as I remember His promises and learn more about them. He is a GOOD God, and He takes care of His children.
Thank you all for your prayers. Keep them coming please! I have prayed that tomorrow or Thursday when they do the CT scan (they're trying to reschedule it for tomorrow) that they will be shocked that my liver lesions are shrinking or even gone. Perhaps this sounds ridiculous to some of you, and I understand that. However I am being made aware of similar miracles that have taken place in other people. As I hear their stories, my views and beliefs about healing are being challenged. And this is a very good thing.
Now for the practical part of the update: I had some labs drawn today and saw Dr. Varadhachary. She wants to review the pathology and do some re-staining, as well as look at the new CT scan they're doing and from there she will make her recommendation for treatment.
Our hotel room is lovely. The weather in Houston is hot and humid, but I'll take that any day over the 41 degrees and drizzle Germantown is seeing today. :)
Oh, quick cool story! We didn't bring Eva's car seat base, because we thought we'd just strap her in using the seat belt method if we decided to go anywhere. Well, turns out we're going more places in the car than planned, and it's such a pain to strap her in each time. We went to Target to see if they had any bases, and they had one that was originally $40, but had been returned from an online purchase. The clearance price was $10, and it was even the right color! How great is that!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Houston
God has freed me of fear as we get ready to go to Houston. I am thanking Him and praying that this peace will stay with me all week, and that anxiety will not creep in.
I am actually really looking forward to the trip now that the packing is all done. It will be quite the adventure! I am praying that I will come home physically healthy. Please pray with me. I know that God will do some miraculous things.
Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers who are reading my blog, but especially to my mom (Gigi), my mother-in-law (Jeanette), and my sister-in-law (Liz). I am so glad I got to see you all today. We have been so blessed with an amazing family!
I am actually really looking forward to the trip now that the packing is all done. It will be quite the adventure! I am praying that I will come home physically healthy. Please pray with me. I know that God will do some miraculous things.
Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers who are reading my blog, but especially to my mom (Gigi), my mother-in-law (Jeanette), and my sister-in-law (Liz). I am so glad I got to see you all today. We have been so blessed with an amazing family!
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