I just spoke with the NP, Beth, about my test results. Let's praise God for a few things!
1. CT and PET scan showed nothing that we didn't already know about. Just the spots in my liver, around my pancreas and lymph nodes.
2. I asked Beth if we could officially rule out pancreatic cancer. While she didn't say absolutely yes, she said there is nothing at all in my pancreas and it would be "really wild" if that was it.
3. I am apparently top of mind for Dr. Evans today, who is reportedly one of the top minds in medicine. He is at M.D. Anderson doing a surgery today, and is talking to his old colleagues there about me.
4. Beth is just amazing and so kind. I am so grateful for her, her expertise and her caring nature.
The pathology from the biopsy is still being looked at. They also got the block of my liver from St. Mary's to retest and compare to the lymph node they took on Wednesday. I have a bone scan on Monday, which they think will be negative...but they want to cover all bases.
So, still a lot of unknown. But, as my CT scan tech Candie said yesterday, "We're crossing off the nasty ones."
Love to you all!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Clarification
I just wanted to clarify what I meant by being skeptical of my back pain being healed. I have no doubt whatsoever that God can heal and does heal. My doubt comes when I wonder why would He choose to heal me, yet not heal others. I am praying for my faith and wisdom to increase in this area.
Prayer
I wanted to write about a couple of things as I wait for news (hopefully today) from the doctor.
I went to MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) on Tuesday at St. Monica in Whitefish Bay. This is only the 3rd time I've gone, so I still am getting to know most of the women there. My dear old friend Jen (Shedd) Hawkins was there, as was my new friend Jackie Lesperance. They asked if it would be alright if they (and the whole group) prayed over me. More on that in a minute...
Just a little bit about my spiritual background for those of you who don't know: I was raised in a protestant non-denominational church, and made a conscious decision to follow Christ at 5 years old. (Granted, I didn't understand the enormity of that decision at the time, but in whatever way I could understand it, I made the decision then). I always felt that the non-denominational Christian church had it "right." Then I met my husband, Matt. He is an amazing devoted Catholic Christian with the kindest heart ever. Meeting him and his wonderful family opened my mind to a whole new idea of what the universal Christian church is. My prayer ever since Matt and I became serious in our relationship has been to, in some way, bring even a little bit of unity to the so many divisions in the Christian Church.
Anyway, back to MOPS. After the meeting, the women all gathered around me and laid hands on me and prayed for my healing, and also for peace and strength. It didn't matter at that moment that I am not Catholic, as they are. In fact, the prayer felt more like I was at a Pentecostal prayer meeting. :) This group of amazing women have been a source of encouragement, and have offered to help me with anything I need. They even bought me a year subscription to TherapEase Cuisine, a website that helps guide nutrition through cancer treatment. I have felt so much love from this group. I am so grateful to God for them.
I know we can't always expect instant results from prayer. God works things out in His own time and for His own purposes. However, I have to share this. For the past 3 weeks, until Tuesday, I have had back pain. It hasn't been too severe, but there were a few nights where it made it hard to sleep. I would take Ibuprofen, until they told me I couldn't anymore because of the procedures I had coming up. Then I switched to Tylenol.
After the prayer on Tuesday, my back pain went away. I have not felt it since then. Trust me, I'm as skeptical as the next guy when it comes to things like this. That's why I've waited 4 days to write this...kind of to make sure it's real. All I know is that they prayed, and that my back hasn't hurt since then. I realize that this doesn't mean I'm healed. But it means that I don't have back pain to deal with on top of everything else. And for every moment I don't have pain, I am grateful. Praise to God for His healing hand on me through the MOPS women.
I am also so incredibly grateful for my Aunt Susie, who went to the hospital with me yesterday and for Jeanette who stayed with Eva. And for everyone who offered to go to the hospital with me and babysit after I already had it taken care of. And for Michael, Aunt Jean, Uncle Ed and Jeanette who are with me today as I wait for results. And for my mom who wishes more than anything that she could be with me while she's at work. I love you all.
I went to MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) on Tuesday at St. Monica in Whitefish Bay. This is only the 3rd time I've gone, so I still am getting to know most of the women there. My dear old friend Jen (Shedd) Hawkins was there, as was my new friend Jackie Lesperance. They asked if it would be alright if they (and the whole group) prayed over me. More on that in a minute...
Just a little bit about my spiritual background for those of you who don't know: I was raised in a protestant non-denominational church, and made a conscious decision to follow Christ at 5 years old. (Granted, I didn't understand the enormity of that decision at the time, but in whatever way I could understand it, I made the decision then). I always felt that the non-denominational Christian church had it "right." Then I met my husband, Matt. He is an amazing devoted Catholic Christian with the kindest heart ever. Meeting him and his wonderful family opened my mind to a whole new idea of what the universal Christian church is. My prayer ever since Matt and I became serious in our relationship has been to, in some way, bring even a little bit of unity to the so many divisions in the Christian Church.
Anyway, back to MOPS. After the meeting, the women all gathered around me and laid hands on me and prayed for my healing, and also for peace and strength. It didn't matter at that moment that I am not Catholic, as they are. In fact, the prayer felt more like I was at a Pentecostal prayer meeting. :) This group of amazing women have been a source of encouragement, and have offered to help me with anything I need. They even bought me a year subscription to TherapEase Cuisine, a website that helps guide nutrition through cancer treatment. I have felt so much love from this group. I am so grateful to God for them.
I know we can't always expect instant results from prayer. God works things out in His own time and for His own purposes. However, I have to share this. For the past 3 weeks, until Tuesday, I have had back pain. It hasn't been too severe, but there were a few nights where it made it hard to sleep. I would take Ibuprofen, until they told me I couldn't anymore because of the procedures I had coming up. Then I switched to Tylenol.
After the prayer on Tuesday, my back pain went away. I have not felt it since then. Trust me, I'm as skeptical as the next guy when it comes to things like this. That's why I've waited 4 days to write this...kind of to make sure it's real. All I know is that they prayed, and that my back hasn't hurt since then. I realize that this doesn't mean I'm healed. But it means that I don't have back pain to deal with on top of everything else. And for every moment I don't have pain, I am grateful. Praise to God for His healing hand on me through the MOPS women.
I am also so incredibly grateful for my Aunt Susie, who went to the hospital with me yesterday and for Jeanette who stayed with Eva. And for everyone who offered to go to the hospital with me and babysit after I already had it taken care of. And for Michael, Aunt Jean, Uncle Ed and Jeanette who are with me today as I wait for results. And for my mom who wishes more than anything that she could be with me while she's at work. I love you all.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Baby Girl
I just had to post this picture of my baby girl, Eva Christine. She turned 12 weeks old yesterday! Those of you who know me, or my friends on Facebook have seen her already I'm sure. :) But just in case anyone hasn't, I had to post it. She reminds me every day about pure joy, love and courage. I love her so much!
Hope
Psalm 33:20-22 says:
We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.
Today I have so much hope. Granted, I'm probably still a little high on Versed and Fentanyl, but still...I am finished with the colonoscopy/endoscopy and they found (wait for it...) nothing!! Well, there was a small polyp in my stomach, but the doctor was quite sure it was benign. He will test it, but didn't think it was anything to worry about. The great news is that my colon, stomach and pancreas are all normal!
He biopsied an enlarged lymph node near these organs (which we've known about since the start of this insanity) and said the cells in it match those in the liver lesions. He feels this lymph node could be the primary tumor. If that's the case, I don't know what kind of cancer it makes this, but it sure sounds better to my completely medically untrained mind than pancreatic cancer.
I want to also say how grateful I am for the doctors, nurses and staff at Froedtert. They are so kind and compassionate, and knowledgeable! A special shout out to one of my nurses today, Dana. She made me feel at ease when I was almost in tears going into the procedure. I explained it wasn't the procedure that I was scared of, but the results. She was so caring, and promised to pray for a miracle for me. Thank you, Dana.
So while all of this is good news (I think?) we still have a lot of work to do. Tomorrow I have my CT scan and PT scan to make sure there are no other places in my body affected.
Also, there are not enough words to describe how overwhelmed by kindness I have been. But here's a tiny glimpse of what is going through my mind right now:
To my sweet dear husband Matt: You continue to amaze and inspire me with your faith and love. And especially for your help during my colonoscopy prep. NASTY! In sickness and in health, right Babe? :)
To my amazing brother Michael: Thank you for your faith that I will be healed.
To my wonderful mom Gigi: Thank you for your strength and faith and for teaching me to love Jesus. Without Him I would not get through a day. Thank you also for dropping everything to help me.
To my selfless mother-in-law Jeanette: Thank you for your kind heart, your listening ear, and your willingness to do anything for me.
To all of you: Thank you for your prayers!!!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Perseverance
James 1:12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
So I persevere. I saw Dr. Evans today and I have little new information except that he does not think the cancer is from my pancreas. He ordered a bunch of tests for the rest of the week. Colonoscopy & endoscopy tomorrow and a CT scan and a PET scan on Thursday.
I'm at a low point. I am depressed and so scared. Please pray that I will be carried through this. Oh Lord, I beg for your healing touch.
The pathologist at Froedtert said the next likely place to look for the cancer is in my colon, which they will do tomorrow.
That's all I know. Please pray!!!
So I persevere. I saw Dr. Evans today and I have little new information except that he does not think the cancer is from my pancreas. He ordered a bunch of tests for the rest of the week. Colonoscopy & endoscopy tomorrow and a CT scan and a PET scan on Thursday.
I'm at a low point. I am depressed and so scared. Please pray that I will be carried through this. Oh Lord, I beg for your healing touch.
The pathologist at Froedtert said the next likely place to look for the cancer is in my colon, which they will do tomorrow.
That's all I know. Please pray!!!
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