My last round of chemo (on 9/22) was really rough, and I've been pretty sick ever since. But tonight I felt much of the sickness lift, and I am feeling much better. Praise God!
I have a CT scan coming up on 10/13, and I ask for your continued prayers and belief with me that it will show I am cancer free.
Also, I have spent time the last 2 nights answering email. I am down to 177 in my inbox! I want you to know that if you have written to me, I HAVE read it. I read every single email. If you have sent me a Scripture, I am working now to put them into a Word document that I will keep with me for quick reference. If you have sent me an encouraging song or video, I have either watched/listened or added it to my list of things to watch/listen. I appreciate every encouragement, and even more than that I need them. There's a verse in Isaiah (41:13) that I've been meditating on which says: For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
One of the ways God is holding my hand and helping me is through all of you. Through your prayers, encouragement, belief and unending hope I am given strength. It is with this strength that I continue to battle the fight for my life...the fight that I will WIN. I am "hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." (2 Corinthians 4:8-9) The Word of God says that I am more than a conqueror through Jesus who loves me (Romans 8:37), so who am I to question that or to think any differently.
Praise you Lord that your Word is TRUE!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Blessings
I saw a new doctor on Thursday...Dr. Ritch at Froedtert. He was originally recommended to me by two of my original doctors, but for various reasons I went elsewhere. Now, for other reasons, I've switched to him.
My mother-in-law and Eva came to my appointment with me on Thursday. My mom wanted to come but couldn't get off of work. :( Anyway, we waited for 2 hours to see the doctor, during which time I became rather nervous. I had heard all kinds of things about Dr. Ritch that made him seem "scary." I felt intimidated before I even met him. I spent a lot of time before the appointment praying, and once we got into a room, Jeanette and I prayed. I know Jesus was there holding my hand because I felt so much peace. Once I actually met Dr. Ritch, I felt silly for being so afraid. I could write for many paragraphs about why this is, but much of it was intangible. I just felt comfortable with him. I could ask him questions, and I felt he really listened to what I was saying. He was very attentive. I now feel very much at peace with my choice to switch doctors/hospitals.
Right now I ask for your prayers for wisdom as I figure out the best way to deal with pain. I haven't been sleeping well because of it, and it has been an emotional challenge. However, last night I determined it would not get me down, and so in the middle of the night while waiting for my heating pad to warm up in the microwave for the millionth time, I just danced in my living room and praised God. (my neighbors probably think I'm crazy...and you would too if you've ever seen me dance)
Now for the exciting news! Tomorrow Matt and I are going to the Packer game!!! The tickets were a gift from Lisa Boortz and her husband. I have only met Lisa one time, and am just blown away by their generous gift!! We are so excited. Pictures to come... :)
Another huge blessing in this past week... I had "baby food" on my grocery list, and before I made it to the store I was given a HUGE supply by two of my cousins. They both have babies who have moved on to real people food so they didn't need it anymore. Thank you God! (and Shawn and Karen)
Well, I'd better go get Eva's things together for her day with Grandma Gigi tomorrow, and Matt's and my things together for the game. Woohoo! Goodnight :)
My mother-in-law and Eva came to my appointment with me on Thursday. My mom wanted to come but couldn't get off of work. :( Anyway, we waited for 2 hours to see the doctor, during which time I became rather nervous. I had heard all kinds of things about Dr. Ritch that made him seem "scary." I felt intimidated before I even met him. I spent a lot of time before the appointment praying, and once we got into a room, Jeanette and I prayed. I know Jesus was there holding my hand because I felt so much peace. Once I actually met Dr. Ritch, I felt silly for being so afraid. I could write for many paragraphs about why this is, but much of it was intangible. I just felt comfortable with him. I could ask him questions, and I felt he really listened to what I was saying. He was very attentive. I now feel very much at peace with my choice to switch doctors/hospitals.
Right now I ask for your prayers for wisdom as I figure out the best way to deal with pain. I haven't been sleeping well because of it, and it has been an emotional challenge. However, last night I determined it would not get me down, and so in the middle of the night while waiting for my heating pad to warm up in the microwave for the millionth time, I just danced in my living room and praised God. (my neighbors probably think I'm crazy...and you would too if you've ever seen me dance)
Now for the exciting news! Tomorrow Matt and I are going to the Packer game!!! The tickets were a gift from Lisa Boortz and her husband. I have only met Lisa one time, and am just blown away by their generous gift!! We are so excited. Pictures to come... :)
Another huge blessing in this past week... I had "baby food" on my grocery list, and before I made it to the store I was given a HUGE supply by two of my cousins. They both have babies who have moved on to real people food so they didn't need it anymore. Thank you God! (and Shawn and Karen)
Well, I'd better go get Eva's things together for her day with Grandma Gigi tomorrow, and Matt's and my things together for the game. Woohoo! Goodnight :)
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Strength!
Today I am praising God for strength! The Word of God is alive and true. I have kept reading my "strength" verses every day, and each time I do they become more alive to me (rather than becoming "old hat"). I feel very good today, completely strengthened and alive; no longer weary.
May I recommend a book to all of you? I just finished it last night. It's called "The Cross and the Switchblade" by David Wilkerson. It's a true story of how a small-town pastor started a hugely effective ministry to some of New York's hardest gang members in the 1950's. (The ministry still exists today). The book itself is a page-turner; it simply tells a good and intriguing story. But what I absolutely love about it is that it depicts the purity of God's love and compassion for people. If you've ever doubted that God's love and power is real, I urge you to read this book. (and even if you haven't, I still think you should read it). :)
One thing I noticed about myself in the past weeks is that my interest in my appearance has been waning. Running through my head have been thoughts like, "I am freaking 27 years old and have no hair. Why should I bother to put on makeup?" I used to enjoy getting dressed up and such, but lately there's been no joy in it. Well, for whatever reason yesterday I woke up with a renewed spirit (has someone out there been praying for that?). I decided I was going to look nice for a change, and NOT like a cancer patient. I've had a wig for some time now that Aunt Betsy (who is currently battling cancer for the 3rd time) graciously lent me. I don't know why, but I never wanted to wear it. Yesterday I decided I would. I felt a little embarrassed about it at first, but once I got used to it, it was wonderful! I put on makeup, wore some favorite clothes, and had a really nice day of it! :) I'm back to the bandanna today, mostly because I don't know how to care for the wig. Note to self: call Aunt Betsy and ask her. :) Anyway, here's a picture of me in the wig. It's a little askew here, but you get the idea.
I had a wonderful lunch date today with Michelle Frie. She and her husband are pastors of Metro Harvest Church here in Menomonee Falls. I've gone twice (and Matt came with me this past week) and I really enjoy it.
Oh, another example of God's provision before I close this. Today I was at Target browsing the baby aisles and they had 7 cans of Enfamil ready-made formula on clearance for $2.50 (originally $6.50). I thought for a minute that maybe I shouldn't buy them, recalling the Bible story of the Israelites "storing up" manna and having it go bad because they weren't trusting God. But it's not like I went to Target to buy formula because I wasn't trusting God to provide. It was just there, and for such a good deal!! So I bought all they had. :) Then I got home and saw on my mess of a desk that I had Enfamil coupons (sent to me by my cousin Jodi...thanks Jodi!) for $5 off. So I will go back to Target with my receipt and see if they can still apply the coupon. I think they should be able to. Thank you God!
Hehe, I didn't think I'd get to write so much because Eva was getting fussy in her Pack N Play. But before I even had a chance to go get her, she fell asleep. she is such a sweet girl, and such a source of JOY in our lives. Thank you God for the gift of Eva.
May I recommend a book to all of you? I just finished it last night. It's called "The Cross and the Switchblade" by David Wilkerson. It's a true story of how a small-town pastor started a hugely effective ministry to some of New York's hardest gang members in the 1950's. (The ministry still exists today). The book itself is a page-turner; it simply tells a good and intriguing story. But what I absolutely love about it is that it depicts the purity of God's love and compassion for people. If you've ever doubted that God's love and power is real, I urge you to read this book. (and even if you haven't, I still think you should read it). :)
One thing I noticed about myself in the past weeks is that my interest in my appearance has been waning. Running through my head have been thoughts like, "I am freaking 27 years old and have no hair. Why should I bother to put on makeup?" I used to enjoy getting dressed up and such, but lately there's been no joy in it. Well, for whatever reason yesterday I woke up with a renewed spirit (has someone out there been praying for that?). I decided I was going to look nice for a change, and NOT like a cancer patient. I've had a wig for some time now that Aunt Betsy (who is currently battling cancer for the 3rd time) graciously lent me. I don't know why, but I never wanted to wear it. Yesterday I decided I would. I felt a little embarrassed about it at first, but once I got used to it, it was wonderful! I put on makeup, wore some favorite clothes, and had a really nice day of it! :) I'm back to the bandanna today, mostly because I don't know how to care for the wig. Note to self: call Aunt Betsy and ask her. :) Anyway, here's a picture of me in the wig. It's a little askew here, but you get the idea.
I had a wonderful lunch date today with Michelle Frie. She and her husband are pastors of Metro Harvest Church here in Menomonee Falls. I've gone twice (and Matt came with me this past week) and I really enjoy it.
Oh, another example of God's provision before I close this. Today I was at Target browsing the baby aisles and they had 7 cans of Enfamil ready-made formula on clearance for $2.50 (originally $6.50). I thought for a minute that maybe I shouldn't buy them, recalling the Bible story of the Israelites "storing up" manna and having it go bad because they weren't trusting God. But it's not like I went to Target to buy formula because I wasn't trusting God to provide. It was just there, and for such a good deal!! So I bought all they had. :) Then I got home and saw on my mess of a desk that I had Enfamil coupons (sent to me by my cousin Jodi...thanks Jodi!) for $5 off. So I will go back to Target with my receipt and see if they can still apply the coupon. I think they should be able to. Thank you God!
Hehe, I didn't think I'd get to write so much because Eva was getting fussy in her Pack N Play. But before I even had a chance to go get her, she fell asleep. she is such a sweet girl, and such a source of JOY in our lives. Thank you God for the gift of Eva.
Friday, September 3, 2010
On the upswing
Thanks for your prayers this week. I had some frustrating experiences involving insurance approving my new medicine at the beginning of this week, but thanks to my amazing mom everything is now worked out.
I had the first cycle of my new chemo on Monday. I can't say for sure yet, but I think it's going to be somewhat better than what I was on, though I'm not gonna lie...it still sucks. I'm now on Oxaliplatin (sp?), Avastin and a pill called Xeloda (which is a pill form of 5FU). I was able to eat at least a little each day, and that part seems to be getting better with time. I'm not sure how it'll be with the Xeloda pill because I take it for 2 weeks straight (rather than getting a big IV dose in one day). I thought I was going to be on an every 2-week cycle, but since I'm on Xeloda and not 5FU it's every 3 weeks. For this I'm grateful. Finding 5 days worth of help every 2 weeks would have been a logistical nightmare, and so very taxing on my mom and mother-in-law. It's hard enough for them as it is, and if I stop and think about it for more than 2 seconds I get so stressed about how stressed THEY must be. So I just don't think about it. I just hope they know how much I appreciate them. I will never be able to repay what they've done for us, and what they will do for us in the future. May God richly bless them.
My prayer these days is for strength. I am weary of the journey. A friend (Roger) gave me a list of Bible verses related to strength, and I read them as often as I think of it. I pray they will become food for my soul which will translate to strength for my body.
Matt's grandparents were here on Wednesday and they took us to Steinhafel's to buy us a mattress and box spring for our guest room. (Thank you so much "Nana and Papa!") I wanted so badly to go along even though I felt so sick. I just set my mind that I would go, and so I went. I am so glad I got to go. I hate missing things!!! I know it seems like something small, but it was important for me. Thank you Lord for the boost necessary to get off the couch.
Today I went to lunch with Mom and Michael. Again, I had to peel myself off the couch to go, but I'm so glad I did. My new phrase is, "I REFUSE to become weak." I realize my body needs rest after chemo, but I will not rest one SECOND longer than necessary. I have way too much life to live. After lunch, we stopped at the hardware store so I could get wood glue, sand paper, nail hole filler and Old English for a few little projects I want to do at home. I got part of them done today and hope to finish them tomorrow. Then, of course, I needed to rest.
Eva gets more spirited every day. She is so full of joy. I am ready to be well so that I may fully enjoy her. I try not to think that I'm "missing" any moments with her when I'm sick, but that the moments I'm well mean so much more because I appreciate them so much more than I ever would have before. I don't think you can go through something like this and not learn to appreciate every single moment.
Anyway, I hope I don't sound like a whiner or a complainer. I am grateful for so much, but it's hard to not wish for this battle to end and for the victory to be in-hand. I believe it is there in the future, and I just pray for patience as I wait in hope for the Lord.
I had the first cycle of my new chemo on Monday. I can't say for sure yet, but I think it's going to be somewhat better than what I was on, though I'm not gonna lie...it still sucks. I'm now on Oxaliplatin (sp?), Avastin and a pill called Xeloda (which is a pill form of 5FU). I was able to eat at least a little each day, and that part seems to be getting better with time. I'm not sure how it'll be with the Xeloda pill because I take it for 2 weeks straight (rather than getting a big IV dose in one day). I thought I was going to be on an every 2-week cycle, but since I'm on Xeloda and not 5FU it's every 3 weeks. For this I'm grateful. Finding 5 days worth of help every 2 weeks would have been a logistical nightmare, and so very taxing on my mom and mother-in-law. It's hard enough for them as it is, and if I stop and think about it for more than 2 seconds I get so stressed about how stressed THEY must be. So I just don't think about it. I just hope they know how much I appreciate them. I will never be able to repay what they've done for us, and what they will do for us in the future. May God richly bless them.
My prayer these days is for strength. I am weary of the journey. A friend (Roger) gave me a list of Bible verses related to strength, and I read them as often as I think of it. I pray they will become food for my soul which will translate to strength for my body.
Matt's grandparents were here on Wednesday and they took us to Steinhafel's to buy us a mattress and box spring for our guest room. (Thank you so much "Nana and Papa!") I wanted so badly to go along even though I felt so sick. I just set my mind that I would go, and so I went. I am so glad I got to go. I hate missing things!!! I know it seems like something small, but it was important for me. Thank you Lord for the boost necessary to get off the couch.
Today I went to lunch with Mom and Michael. Again, I had to peel myself off the couch to go, but I'm so glad I did. My new phrase is, "I REFUSE to become weak." I realize my body needs rest after chemo, but I will not rest one SECOND longer than necessary. I have way too much life to live. After lunch, we stopped at the hardware store so I could get wood glue, sand paper, nail hole filler and Old English for a few little projects I want to do at home. I got part of them done today and hope to finish them tomorrow. Then, of course, I needed to rest.
Eva gets more spirited every day. She is so full of joy. I am ready to be well so that I may fully enjoy her. I try not to think that I'm "missing" any moments with her when I'm sick, but that the moments I'm well mean so much more because I appreciate them so much more than I ever would have before. I don't think you can go through something like this and not learn to appreciate every single moment.
Anyway, I hope I don't sound like a whiner or a complainer. I am grateful for so much, but it's hard to not wish for this battle to end and for the victory to be in-hand. I believe it is there in the future, and I just pray for patience as I wait in hope for the Lord.
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