Friday, September 3, 2010

On the upswing

Thanks for your prayers this week. I had some frustrating experiences involving insurance approving my new medicine at the beginning of this week, but thanks to my amazing mom everything is now worked out.

I had the first cycle of my new chemo on Monday. I can't say for sure yet, but I think it's going to be somewhat better than what I was on, though I'm not gonna still sucks. I'm now on Oxaliplatin (sp?), Avastin and a pill called Xeloda (which is a pill form of 5FU). I was able to eat at least a little each day, and that part seems to be getting better with time. I'm not sure how it'll be with the Xeloda pill because I take it for 2 weeks straight (rather than getting a big IV dose in one day). I thought I was going to be on an every 2-week cycle, but since I'm on Xeloda and not 5FU it's every 3 weeks. For this I'm grateful. Finding 5 days worth of help every 2 weeks would have been a logistical nightmare, and so very taxing on my mom and mother-in-law. It's hard enough for them as it is, and if I stop and think about it for more than 2 seconds I get so stressed about how stressed THEY must be. So I just don't think about it. I just hope they know how much I appreciate them. I will never be able to repay what they've done for us, and what they will do for us in the future. May God richly bless them.

My prayer these days is for strength. I am weary of the journey. A friend (Roger) gave me a list of Bible verses related to strength, and I read them as often as I think of it. I pray they will become food for my soul which will translate to strength for my body.

Matt's grandparents were here on Wednesday and they took us to Steinhafel's to buy us a mattress and box spring for our guest room. (Thank you so much "Nana and Papa!") I wanted so badly to go along even though I felt so sick. I just set my mind that I would go, and so I went. I am so glad I got to go. I hate missing things!!! I know it seems like something small, but it was important for me. Thank you Lord for the boost necessary to get off the couch.

Today I went to lunch with Mom and Michael. Again, I had to peel myself off the couch to go, but I'm so glad I did. My new phrase is, "I REFUSE to become weak." I realize my body needs rest after chemo, but I will not rest one SECOND longer than necessary. I have way too much life to live. After lunch, we stopped at the hardware store so I could get wood glue, sand paper, nail hole filler and Old English for a few little projects I want to do at home. I got part of them done today and hope to finish them tomorrow. Then, of course, I needed to rest.

Eva gets more spirited every day. She is so full of joy. I am ready to be well so that I may fully enjoy her. I try not to think that I'm "missing" any moments with her when I'm sick, but that the moments I'm well mean so much more because I appreciate them so much more than I ever would have before. I don't think you can go through something like this and not learn to appreciate every single moment.

Anyway, I hope I don't sound like a whiner or a complainer. I am grateful for so much, but it's hard to not wish for this battle to end and for the victory to be in-hand. I believe it is there in the future, and I just pray for patience as I wait in hope for the Lord.


  1. Too bad we don't have any pictures of Eva with her fists full of my Caesar salad to add to this post!

  2. Rachel, you are by far the least whiny person I know! There is no doubt you are going through something hard and sucky and I think it's perfectly ok to share everything you feel about it. Never feel guilty for sharing, because we are all pulling and praying for you and we want to know the truth about how you are doing, not some sugar coated story you made up! I really hope you guys have a great holiday weekend!


  3. Oh sweet sweet girl! I think you are so strong...and opening up is such a good thing!! I love you so much and wish I could be there for you more! I miss you! As I have been praying for you, I have been led to pray for a HUGE God break-through!!! I believe that you WILL be healed...and that it is already happening...especially where your mind and your spirit are concerned. You are not giving are pushing through. That is huge, girl!!! You are awesome!!! I love you!!!!!!