I just wanted to let you faithful readers/warriors know that there is no new news on the medical front. I continue to trust that God has healed me. I have moments where I doubt and begin thinking like a "normal person", but then I just remind myself of all the things I've learned in the past 3 months. God is so good and kind. He wants me well. He took away my back pain before I began treatment. He has given all believers power in THIS life to overcome sickness and disease and oppression. This is amazing revelation to me that I never knew before. And of course being a logical person, I would never believe it if there wasn't evidence of it. But miracles do happen and are happening every single day for those that believe! Just yesterday I talked to a pastor of a local church, and he told me about healings that have happened in their congregation as recently as last Sunday. Praise God!!!
You know, I have always told people I had a relationship with Jesus. For instance, if someone asked if I was religious, I would say "no, not really" but would explain about my personal relationship with Jesus. Now I'm realizing something. Prior to 3 months ago, I was almost all talk. I'm not saying I wasn't a Christian or didn't know a lot about Jesus. I was and I did. I did my best to live a life that showed love and compassion. I strove to be a woman of grace and kindness. Once in a while, I picked up a Bible or prayed outside of church. But my approach to God was that His ways were above my ways, and I shouldn't even try to understand Him. I should just accept my lot in life as His will, and if times got tough, pray for the strength to get through. I thought I had the Christian life all figured out! So when cancer hit, I felt it important to maintain that stoic acceptance of my situation, and pray for the grace to get through each day. God met me where I was at. Even before I believed I would be healed, I had an amazing peace for which I will be forever grateful. The days would have been awful if it hadn't been for His peace, which the Bible says passes all understanding. It did. I was able to sleep, even when I thought I was dying.
I can't even begin to put into words (in one blog post that I'm trying to keep from running on and on) everything that I've learned these past 3 months. Maybe I should write a book or something. What an amazing journey! But one thing I have learned (or at least begun to learn...never again do I want to fall into thinking I have it all figured out) is what a relationship with Jesus really is. When you start to understand that in many ways Jesus DOES make sense, and he is NOT the author of chaos and confusion, you begin to realize how much He loves you. YOU! Personally, YOU! And that He would never give you cancer, just like a loving Father would never do anything to hurt their own child. Once that is established, He is someone you want to know, want to talk to, want to ask questions of. He says that those who seek Him will find Him, and I guess I never believed that to be true. I stopped seeking long ago, because I thought all I would find was someone I couldn't understand. I am not afraid to know Him anymore, because His perfect love has driven out all fear. I know I can trust Him each and every day.
One example of this is the PET scan I had Friday. Inquiring minds want to know "When will you find out? Are you nervous?" and my honest answers are "I don't know" and "If I let my mind wander and ponder it too much, yeah a little." But then I just go to Jesus and say "Jesus, I'm nervous about the results. But you promised to heal me. So I shouldn't be nervous, should I? Help me with my unbelief." And then I go about my day, taking care of Eva, seeing friends & family, and enjoying the abundant life that God has given me. What a gift it is to get to know Jesus!!!
I have some other exciting news unrelated to my health. Those of you on Facebook may already know. The offer on our house was accepted yesterday! We have no reason to think things won't progress smoothly, and we should close by July 23rd. I may have mentioned before that I believe God provided this house for us. So many things have fallen into place, and so quickly! It's just been amazing. When you realize God is in the details, you stop worrying and start praising Him for what He's done. It is so freeing!
Thank you all for your continued prayers. Here are a few things I'd like specific prayer for:
1. We need to return our rental car this week, and we can't buy a new one until after we close on the house. We do have some options to get us through in the interim, but none of them are ideal so I'm praying that God will take care of this detail.
2. A pure childlike faith for both me and Matt