This just in: A dear woman, Karylmary from St. Monica's is doing a Leukemia and Lymphoma ride in Lake Tahoe June 6th, and would like to carry your prayers for me during her ride!
Just send your prayers via email to my mother-in-law Jeanette (jkirchner@sbcglobal.net) by mid-day on Wednesday June 2nd and she will print them out and get them to Karylmary for the ride.
Thanks so much for participating!!!
Monday, May 31, 2010
My Healer
I have been wanting to write a bit about this for a while now, and I just don't even know how to put into words what I want to say. I hope that what I say comes across as real and true, because it's been more real than anything I've ever experienced in my life.
I've been a Christian for most of my life, but I've never experienced this day to day all-encompassing care and love that God has been showing me. In the weirdest way, life is better now than it has ever been before. And this is why I worry that this post will not sound truthful. How could life be better when I have a possibly "incurable" cancer? When life is spinning out of control? When each day brings about crazy unknowns and new challenges that I never expected I would experience? Here's how: up until this point, I have underestimated God. I now realize and confess that have always thought of Him as my "ticket to heaven", and while I have always been grateful for His sacrifice for me, I have rarely considered the implications of following an all-powerful supernatural God in this life.
One huge implication that I have been learning about is that God HEALS! I am talking about real supernatural physical healing. I have learned that God does not bring sickness to people, and it is not His will for me (or for anyone) to be sick. This is a huge shift from what I've always believed. Two months ago when I first heard "cancer", I rushed to resign myself to the fact that I was sick, and that God has brought this illness to me to teach me something. While I tried to accept it, something about that viewpoint didn't match up with what I knew about the character of God. So I've sought truth, and I've found it. (Not that I've grasped the whole truth, but I am certainly farther along than I was 2 months ago). God does not bring sickness. God HEALS! I am so excited for His healing to manifest itself in my body (perhaps it already has) so that I can show anyone and everyone in my circle of influence that I serve an AMAZINGLY GOOD God who not only has the power to heal physically, but the power to do eternally more than that.
Psalm 118:17
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.
I've been a Christian for most of my life, but I've never experienced this day to day all-encompassing care and love that God has been showing me. In the weirdest way, life is better now than it has ever been before. And this is why I worry that this post will not sound truthful. How could life be better when I have a possibly "incurable" cancer? When life is spinning out of control? When each day brings about crazy unknowns and new challenges that I never expected I would experience? Here's how: up until this point, I have underestimated God. I now realize and confess that have always thought of Him as my "ticket to heaven", and while I have always been grateful for His sacrifice for me, I have rarely considered the implications of following an all-powerful supernatural God in this life.
One huge implication that I have been learning about is that God HEALS! I am talking about real supernatural physical healing. I have learned that God does not bring sickness to people, and it is not His will for me (or for anyone) to be sick. This is a huge shift from what I've always believed. Two months ago when I first heard "cancer", I rushed to resign myself to the fact that I was sick, and that God has brought this illness to me to teach me something. While I tried to accept it, something about that viewpoint didn't match up with what I knew about the character of God. So I've sought truth, and I've found it. (Not that I've grasped the whole truth, but I am certainly farther along than I was 2 months ago). God does not bring sickness. God HEALS! I am so excited for His healing to manifest itself in my body (perhaps it already has) so that I can show anyone and everyone in my circle of influence that I serve an AMAZINGLY GOOD God who not only has the power to heal physically, but the power to do eternally more than that.
Psalm 118:17
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Sunny Days
It has been so beautiful outside! That makes me happy. :)
Thank you to everyone who has signed up on the Lotsa Helping Hands website. There seemed to be a little confusion about next steps, so I apologize. I should have clarified...by signing up, you're just putting your name on a list of volunteers. Eventually (soon?) I'll get my calendar up there and you'll have the opportunity to choose to help with certain tasks on certain days. I just haven't gotten that far yet.
A quick Eva update. I'm pretty sure she's teething. She gnaws on everything! And she started giggling. Oh, the joys!!! Have I mentioned that I love her?
Last night I had an MRI and then Matt and I went out to dinner. His parents stayed with Eva so we could have a date night. We went to Qdoba. :) So romantic, I know. But we were both exhausted, and just wanted something quick. Still it was such a treat to spend a few minutes with him and talk about things. We rarely get a chance to do that.
Today I had a doctor appointment. No real news on that front. Blood counts are pretty good, but platelets are a little low. My MRI results aren't back yet from the radiologist, but my oncologist looked at the pictures and said he doesn't see anything abnormal, so I guess that's good. I'm not entirely sure why they've waited this long to do an MRI.
I'm having some rather unpleasant effects from the chemo relating to my stomach. No details necessary, but it's seriously not fun. Ugh.
Oh, a few people have asked if I'll lose my hair. The doctors aren't sure.
I think I've forgotten to mention that a friend (Erin) is pumping extra breast milk and giving it to me for Eva. Isn't that amazing? I am just so touched by that. And then yesterday, my friend Taylor fixed the side mirror on the car. (Thank you SO much, Taylor!) We were just hanging out afterward while I fed Eva, and somehow got on the topic of breast milk vs. formula. (He has a 2 month old daughter). Turns out, his girlfriend Alisha had a freezer full of breast milk she had pumped and wasn't going to use. She was either going to donate it or throw it away, so she gave it to me!!! Erin, Taylor and Alisha, you are my angels.
Well, I think that's all for now. Today is day 7 without back pain! Thank you Jesus!!
Thank you to everyone who has signed up on the Lotsa Helping Hands website. There seemed to be a little confusion about next steps, so I apologize. I should have clarified...by signing up, you're just putting your name on a list of volunteers. Eventually (soon?) I'll get my calendar up there and you'll have the opportunity to choose to help with certain tasks on certain days. I just haven't gotten that far yet.
A quick Eva update. I'm pretty sure she's teething. She gnaws on everything! And she started giggling. Oh, the joys!!! Have I mentioned that I love her?
Last night I had an MRI and then Matt and I went out to dinner. His parents stayed with Eva so we could have a date night. We went to Qdoba. :) So romantic, I know. But we were both exhausted, and just wanted something quick. Still it was such a treat to spend a few minutes with him and talk about things. We rarely get a chance to do that.
Today I had a doctor appointment. No real news on that front. Blood counts are pretty good, but platelets are a little low. My MRI results aren't back yet from the radiologist, but my oncologist looked at the pictures and said he doesn't see anything abnormal, so I guess that's good. I'm not entirely sure why they've waited this long to do an MRI.
I'm having some rather unpleasant effects from the chemo relating to my stomach. No details necessary, but it's seriously not fun. Ugh.
Oh, a few people have asked if I'll lose my hair. The doctors aren't sure.
I think I've forgotten to mention that a friend (Erin) is pumping extra breast milk and giving it to me for Eva. Isn't that amazing? I am just so touched by that. And then yesterday, my friend Taylor fixed the side mirror on the car. (Thank you SO much, Taylor!) We were just hanging out afterward while I fed Eva, and somehow got on the topic of breast milk vs. formula. (He has a 2 month old daughter). Turns out, his girlfriend Alisha had a freezer full of breast milk she had pumped and wasn't going to use. She was either going to donate it or throw it away, so she gave it to me!!! Erin, Taylor and Alisha, you are my angels.
Well, I think that's all for now. Today is day 7 without back pain! Thank you Jesus!!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Offers of Help...Calling them in! :)
Your offers of help have been overwhelming in the best way and, and I'm finally getting a grasp on the need to have an official way to coordinate everything. If you're interested, there's a website you can sign up on that will eventually house a calendar with all upcoming events that we need help with. The first step is just getting a group of volunteers signed up. Go to this link to add yourself, if you are interested.
http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/c/626581/login/
For me to ask for help in this way would have been difficult just a year ago (rather, it was difficult when I was so sick from being pregnant) but God has broken my stubborn spirit in the best way, and is teaching me that there are just some things you can't do alone! (Cancer, chemo and caring for an infant is just one example.)
Just know that one day (soon!) I will be back to health and willing to help any and all of you in whatever way I can. Not because I feel I have to repay you, but because I have been so blessed by each and every one of you that it will be my pleasure.
http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/c/626581/login/
For me to ask for help in this way would have been difficult just a year ago (rather, it was difficult when I was so sick from being pregnant) but God has broken my stubborn spirit in the best way, and is teaching me that there are just some things you can't do alone! (Cancer, chemo and caring for an infant is just one example.)
Just know that one day (soon!) I will be back to health and willing to help any and all of you in whatever way I can. Not because I feel I have to repay you, but because I have been so blessed by each and every one of you that it will be my pleasure.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Happy 1st Birthday Anna!
Here's a picture of our niece Anna eating her cake. Ahhh, I love it! :) She's such a doll. Happy 1st Birthday, Anna!
And here's a picture of us at dinner. It was so nice to get out of the house and go somewhere other than the hospital!
And here's a picture of us at dinner. It was so nice to get out of the house and go somewhere other than the hospital!
Chemo update
Chemo kicked my butt for a couple of days, but now I'm on my way to fighting back with a vengeance. I went in today and my blood counts all look great! The nurse seemed overly pleased with this...as if she didn't expect them to look as good as they did. Thanks be to God!
I lost some weight, so they gave me IV fluids and changed my anti-nausea meds. I am currently eating a big bowl of mac and cheese from Noodles, and it tastes SO good.
I noticed during the days I was sick from chemo that it's hard for me to fight back against the sickness emotionally, so I ask for your prayers especially during those times. I want to hate this cancer and the place it has in my body with every ounce of my being, but when I am so fatigued it's hard to do much of anything with a passion.
Thanks to Liz for watching Eva on Friday, to my mom and brother and grandma who were with me over the weekend, and to Aunt Cheryl who was with me yesterday and to Jessica who was with me today, and to Karen (my mother-in-law's cousin) who made me the most gorgeous quilt! I am so touched by all of your kindness. And thank you to everyone who offered to help after we already had the days covered. You're all amazing! Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus.
I lost some weight, so they gave me IV fluids and changed my anti-nausea meds. I am currently eating a big bowl of mac and cheese from Noodles, and it tastes SO good.
I noticed during the days I was sick from chemo that it's hard for me to fight back against the sickness emotionally, so I ask for your prayers especially during those times. I want to hate this cancer and the place it has in my body with every ounce of my being, but when I am so fatigued it's hard to do much of anything with a passion.
Thanks to Liz for watching Eva on Friday, to my mom and brother and grandma who were with me over the weekend, and to Aunt Cheryl who was with me yesterday and to Jessica who was with me today, and to Karen (my mother-in-law's cousin) who made me the most gorgeous quilt! I am so touched by all of your kindness. And thank you to everyone who offered to help after we already had the days covered. You're all amazing! Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Along Came Polly
Yesterday was a long day. I have often wondered over the course of the past 6 weeks why the journey has been so long up until now. Don't most people with cancer get diagnosed and then begin treatment right away? I believe there are many reasons, most of which I just don't understand, as to why things are the way they are with me. Yesterday though, God reminded me of the best blessing this journey has brought thus far, and that is the amazing people I've met along the way. Yesterday was no exception.
The morning began with my mom and me at the hospital to get my port and then start chemo. We were both very broken as we sat waiting for things to begin. Mom looked up "healed" on Bible Gateway, and just read me verses. While we both believe my healing will come, we had hoped and prayed it would come before chemo started. As it became clear that was not going to be the case, we were both discouraged.
Enter my nurses, Polly and Kim. Both of their lives have been touched by cancer (Polly's brother-in-law, and Kim herself). They were full of amazing encouragement. Polly gave us many resources to explore, as her brother-in-law's cancer was also unknown primary. You know, I don't even know how to explain how it changed things to have met them, but my mom said it felt as though Jesus was right there with us and I think that's the best way to describe it.
My port was placed without any issue. I found out from Polly before going into surgery that my surgeon is a Christian who will pray over his patients before starting surgery. I asked him to pray for me, and he said he would. They also let me keep my Bible with me as I fell asleep for surgery. I don't know if it was there the whole time, but when I woke up in recovery, I had it with me again.
My chemo took about 5 hours after the port was placed. I was getting discouraged again, so I decided to watch some healing testimonies. Can I just say that up until 6 weeks ago, I didn't understand why God doesn't heal today. I asked for wisdom in that area, and I have learned SO much, even without really seeking it out. I have just sought God, and He answered me. In one little blog post, I can't even begin to convey what I've learned. But here's a little bit.
1. God DOES heal today. I have seen and heard some amazing stories of it.
2. God WANTS to heal everyone.
3. God WILL heal me.
There, I said it! I have felt up until now that it would come across as arrogant for me to say this. But it's not arrogance. It is confidence. For those of you who don't believe, I will not try to convince you. All I will say is wait and see...wait and see.
In the meantime, I am already experiencing nausea which I'm guessing is from chemo though they didn't think it would start this early. I'm eating when I can, pushing fluids, and keeping up with my anti-nausea meds. I go in next week for IV fluids, as well as blood work and an MRI. The days I have to go are Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. If anyone is free those days to either go with me, or watch Eva I would be forever grateful!! Just email me and let me know.
Oh, and some very exciting news! I have not taken pain meds since 9 p.m. last night and that was just Tylenol. My back pain is gone completely. Thank you Jesus!
The morning began with my mom and me at the hospital to get my port and then start chemo. We were both very broken as we sat waiting for things to begin. Mom looked up "healed" on Bible Gateway, and just read me verses. While we both believe my healing will come, we had hoped and prayed it would come before chemo started. As it became clear that was not going to be the case, we were both discouraged.
Enter my nurses, Polly and Kim. Both of their lives have been touched by cancer (Polly's brother-in-law, and Kim herself). They were full of amazing encouragement. Polly gave us many resources to explore, as her brother-in-law's cancer was also unknown primary. You know, I don't even know how to explain how it changed things to have met them, but my mom said it felt as though Jesus was right there with us and I think that's the best way to describe it.
My port was placed without any issue. I found out from Polly before going into surgery that my surgeon is a Christian who will pray over his patients before starting surgery. I asked him to pray for me, and he said he would. They also let me keep my Bible with me as I fell asleep for surgery. I don't know if it was there the whole time, but when I woke up in recovery, I had it with me again.
My chemo took about 5 hours after the port was placed. I was getting discouraged again, so I decided to watch some healing testimonies. Can I just say that up until 6 weeks ago, I didn't understand why God doesn't heal today. I asked for wisdom in that area, and I have learned SO much, even without really seeking it out. I have just sought God, and He answered me. In one little blog post, I can't even begin to convey what I've learned. But here's a little bit.
1. God DOES heal today. I have seen and heard some amazing stories of it.
2. God WANTS to heal everyone.
3. God WILL heal me.
There, I said it! I have felt up until now that it would come across as arrogant for me to say this. But it's not arrogance. It is confidence. For those of you who don't believe, I will not try to convince you. All I will say is wait and see...wait and see.
In the meantime, I am already experiencing nausea which I'm guessing is from chemo though they didn't think it would start this early. I'm eating when I can, pushing fluids, and keeping up with my anti-nausea meds. I go in next week for IV fluids, as well as blood work and an MRI. The days I have to go are Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. If anyone is free those days to either go with me, or watch Eva I would be forever grateful!! Just email me and let me know.
Oh, and some very exciting news! I have not taken pain meds since 9 p.m. last night and that was just Tylenol. My back pain is gone completely. Thank you Jesus!
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