Thursday, April 15, 2010


I went to Wal-mart today to get Eva formula. I figure with all the tests I have coming up, and eventually chemo, that I won't be able to breastfeed anymore. Standing in the aisle, I became so angry. Even though I haven't particularly enjoyed breastfeeding, I didn't want to switch to formula because of some awful disease. I became angry that I wouldn't be able to provide for my baby in the way that I wanted to, and I became angry about all the money we would have to spend on formula when breast milk is free. So here I was in Wal-mart, doing calculations in my head about how much a year's worth of formula would be, and as the cost was adding up I was almost in tears over the unfairness of it all. I finally just chose some and left.

Somewhere between Wal-mart and home it hit me. This was surely not going to be the last time during this journey where I would have to be flexible, and there will certainly be more painful sacrifices than this. There will be many more times where I'll have to surrender my will. So I made a decision today to choose to look on the bright side of things. I have a feeling that I will have to make this conscious choice every day from now on, and I pray that I will have the strength to do so.

I thought about the whole formula thing some more, and realized I have much to be thankful for. I am thankful that formula is a good alternative to breast milk, and it will give Eva all the nutrition she needs. I am also thankful that we're in a place financially where buying formula will not be a burden. Thank you God for providing.

So that's the lesson I learned today. I'm a bit nervous about the biopsy tomorrow, but so grateful that my dear sweet mom and dear sweet mother-in-law will be there with me to keep me company and watch Eva.


  1. I heard John Mac Aurther say, wisdom, translates from the Greek, "Living life skillfully"
    Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit are surely honnig your skill. It is good you are listening.
    Standing by,
    George Nestler

  2. Rachel - Knew that I am praying for you and your family, I think that your attitude is amazing, and God is going to do great things through this. Remember in Jer 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

    We might know always know what God has in store, but remember he has everything in his control. Let me know if there is anything you guys need: meals, whatever!

    Always praying, Debbie