Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Houston, Here We Come!

My appointment with Dr. Evans was uneventful. He wants me to go to Houston to see Dr. Varadhachary, as he cannot diagnose me. I asked if the cancer could be liver primary, and he said yes, it could be. But he can't say anything definite.

Tomorrow I call for my appointment at M.D. Anderson. I'm hoping I can get in next week, get diagnosed, and start treatment right away. While the idea of chemo scares me, the thought that there's cancer in my body scares me even more. But Jesus says "Fear not." So I pray for courage and strength.

I am so grateful for Dr. Evans' NP, Beth. She has been so kind, and as we left today she gave us hugs and said she would be praying for me.

Please pray that I won't get too depressed about not being able to breastfeed Eva if I start chemo. I get sad when I think about it.

I also pray for healing. I've been telling God about all the reasons that He should keep me around. I've told him that whether He heals me or not, I am His servant for all the rest of my days. But then I beg that those days are long so I can spend more time with my dear husband and family and see Eva grow up.

I echo the words of David in Psalm 30:

To you, O LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
"What gain is there in my destruction,
in my going down into the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
O LORD, be my help."
You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.


  1. Hey sweetie, My step-grandfather went to MD Anderson with stage 4 prostate CA. and has lived to kick it another 20 years. There is no bounds to God's work. My "grandpa" sings MDA's praises. May God send you there with amazing outcomes!

  2. My prayers continue for you Rachel. MDA is awesome and they should have answer's for you. Stay strong and keep up your amazing spirit and attitude!! :)

  3. You are such a strong woman and I love reading your updates, you are inspiring actually! I was wondering if they checked your alpha fetal protein level? This is only elevated in pregnant people or people with liver cancer. Or wondering if by recently being pregnant this test is off? Just thinking, I'm sure Evans got this, but it just boggles my mind. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!!

  4. Andrea, I don't think they mentioned alpha fetal protein...but that doesn't mean they didn't test it. I seem to be boggling many minds these days. :)

  5. Ah! Maybe you should appear on an episode of "House," when all this is healed. Seriously, though, you're in our prayers every day.

  6. I have nothing but wonderful things to say about MD Anderson and I really hope your experience there is as beautiful and reassuring as my family's was.

  7. Rachel, my Dad flies for Angel Flights and it never even occurred to me until after you mentioned something. Please keep me in mind if you should need to travel somewhere again. I'm so sorry to have missed this option for you - my head has been all over the place lately.