My appointment with Dr. Evans was uneventful. He wants me to go to Houston to see Dr. Varadhachary, as he cannot diagnose me. I asked if the cancer could be liver primary, and he said yes, it could be. But he can't say anything definite.
Tomorrow I call for my appointment at M.D. Anderson. I'm hoping I can get in next week, get diagnosed, and start treatment right away. While the idea of chemo scares me, the thought that there's cancer in my body scares me even more. But Jesus says "Fear not." So I pray for courage and strength.
I am so grateful for Dr. Evans' NP, Beth. She has been so kind, and as we left today she gave us hugs and said she would be praying for me.
Please pray that I won't get too depressed about not being able to breastfeed Eva if I start chemo. I get sad when I think about it.
I also pray for healing. I've been telling God about all the reasons that He should keep me around. I've told him that whether He heals me or not, I am His servant for all the rest of my days. But then I beg that those days are long so I can spend more time with my dear husband and family and see Eva grow up.
I echo the words of David in Psalm 30:
To you, O LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
"What gain is there in my destruction,
in my going down into the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
O LORD, be my help."
You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.