Sunday, May 2, 2010


Another busy weekend comes to an end. Our dear friends Andrew and Sarah Wroblewski came from Appleton on Friday and took us to dinner at Cheesecake Factory. Their little guy Theo is 10.5 months old, and this was our first time meeting him. Saturday night was a cookout at Ryan and Kristi's (my cousins). We brought Eva with us, and she was such a good girl. She really loves people and activity! We didn't get home til 11...another late night for us old folks. :) Today we went to church with Matt's family and then to brunch with them at Lake Park Bistro. I'd never been there before. It was so yummy. It was an early Mother's Day celebration since my sister-in-law Liz's husband Nick goes back to Iraq this week and won't be with her for her first Mother's Day. :( Please say a prayer for them (Liz, Nick and their 11 month old daughter, Anna...our sweet niece) as they go through more difficult months apart. After brunch we went to my grandma's and had dinner there with my family. Such wonderful happy times!

Of course I can't pretend that every day, no matter how wonderful, isn't darkened by looming scary thoughts. For a moment I'll almost forget about the cancer in my body. Then it all comes back to me...and each time, it seems to hit me like a brick.

I can't pretend that it's easy for me to accept what is happening to me. While doing menial tasks for Eva (changing a diaper, feeding her) I can't help but think about how WRONG this all is. I'm 26. I've always been healthy. I have a wonderful husband and a tiny perfect baby (she's 3 months old today!) and I should NOT have to be thinking about whether or not I'll still be here for her 1st birthday. But we live in a fallen and imperfect world. So while I do recognize the unfairness of it, I will not let that take over and let bitterness rule in my heart.

Then there's the fear. Every ache and pain I have makes me wonder if I'm becoming symptomatic. These last few days I've felt bloated and had some minor stomach pain. Who could be the stress of everything! But of course it makes me think the cancer is rapidly spreading. Oh Lord, why is it so hard to trust you?

Anyway, tonight as we were driving home from Grandma's, I was feeling very depressed. Another week ahead with no assurance of answers. Another week, full of so many hours of being alone with Eva; just me, her and my thoughts. More fear to fight. More negative thinking to rebut. It's exhausting. Today was a beautiful sunny day, but as we were heading home it started to rain. It was an isolated cloud, surrounded by blue sky, so Matt and I looked for a rainbow. It wasn't long before we saw one...complete and bright, reaching from one end of the sky to the other. I thanked the Lord out loud as peace flowed over me. As God first used the rainbow to remind Noah of His covenant with him, I took it today to be a reminder of all the promises God has made to me. He has promised to take care of me, to carry my burdens, and to meet my every need. I looked at Matt and said, "Everything's going to be alright, isn't it?" He said yes, it would be. But then he's known that all along. I admire his faith.

So this week will be hard, no doubt. But I know I will be carried through it. Here is what I ask for prayer for:
  • Continued prayer for healing, peace and strength
  • Wisdom for the doctors as they figure out what's specifically wrong with me
  • If possible, a diagnosis from Froedtert so I don't have to go to Houston (the logistics of taking that trip with Eva give me a headache)
Tomorrow is a bone scan at 12:15. Other than that, I don't know what this week will bring.

I appreciate you reading this. I keep hearing of all the people I don't even know who are keeping up with my journey. I can't even believe that so many would be interested in my little life. But I do SO appreciate every single person who reads and who remembers me in prayer. You are my precious warriors.


  1. I've never been to Texas. If you have to go I could go with you and take care of Eva! I need to get away from work and all of my staffing issues will be resolved by the end of next week and I won't be tied down anymore! Just want to make sure you know that's on the table. I know it could be hard for others to go with you if you need to go, so keep me in mind. :)

  2. Hi Rachel!! Let me know if I can help you with Eva or any Froedtert issues. I continue praying for you honey!! Stay strong. xo

  3. You are still in our thoughts and prayers and in those of our church family too. Some of them have started to follow you here. thank you for sharing faith from your heart. Rest in His arms.

  4. Wow! That rainbow really is a blessing... I love you and I'll see you tomorrow! :)

  5. Hi Rachel. I'm not sure if you remember me, but I worked with Matt in Memphis for a bit, and I'm also a UW alum. I now live in Houston, so if you all need to come down here, you are welcome to stay with us and/or we can help you find the best place to stay in the medical district, and help you get around. It may not be much, but it's one less thing to be stressed about.

    Best wishes. I pray you get diagnosed and cured very soon.

    Josienne Roe

  6. Love ya Rachel, and still praying. God is in your corner.

  7. Rachel,
    I know your family from Open Door Bible Church. They and you are such an inspiration to me.
    I am a cancer survivor and pray that we can be "survivor sisters" soon.
    I'd like to share with you the 5 things that kept me going thru my cancer days and still do:
    1. Faith
    2. Family
    3. Friends
    4. Positive attitude
    5. Sense of humor
    From reading your blog, I think you've already incorporated them into your life.
    Be assured that I will be by your side in prayer every day.

  8. Rachel, I cry and I smile as I read your blog. I thank God that he is your comfort and your strength. I'm thankful that he has given you "kisses" (the rainbow) as everpresent reminders that he is always here for you and he is faithful to his promises. I am thankful that you are willing to open up your private and painful world to share a glimps of your heartache, yet call out to warriors to lift up prayers to a Holy God who cares more for you and your family than anyone of us ever could. May he answer the desires of your heart. Psalm 20 was my victory cry when my husband was diagnosed with cancer in 2007. Continue to meditate on his promises. His love is sufficient!