Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Plan

So I have CUP. Carcinoma of Unknown Primary. That's the best they can do for a diagnosis. It could be lung (that's a new one), pancreatic, bile duct, or neuroendocrine cancer. At one point today I looked at Dr. Varadhachary (one of the most brilliant medical minds out there, I'm told) and just laughed. I said, "This is absurd." She said, "It is absurd." She also made sure to note that none of this makes any sense...there is no reason she can figure out that I should have this type (whatever it is) of cancer.

She also told me to keep my spirit, that it is incredible. I told her I have a lot of faith.

The good news: we get to be home for Emily's wedding!!! Thank you all for your prayers about this. I am so thankful. SO thankful!

I am to start chemo next week sometime. This includes getting a port put in and stopping breast feeding. I am not worried about either of these things. I'm just taking one day at a time. And I continue to pray and trust.

When Dr. V walked into the office today, I started to feel very anxious, as I did before my appointments with Dr. Evans. I had a quick word with myself about God being in control, and the anxiety went away and didn't come back...even when she told me she could not tell me if my cancer is curable or not (since she doesn't know what I have).

Here's the thing...I am in the hands of the great Healer. He is my rock. He has met every need in my life until this point, so why would I stop trusting him now, just because this is a rough spot? I need Him now more than ever.

We're headed home tomorrow, and stopping in Chicago for the night. I'm going to Lombard with my dear brother Michael to see Andrew Wommack (a pastor). He has a ministry that has intrigued me as of late.

Thank you all for your prayers. Love to you all.


  1. Hey Rachel,
    Well, at least you can finally begin treatment! Is your cousin still going to coordinate volunteers? Everyone in MOPS is poised and ready to hang out, cook meals, give rides, and play with Eva! Should we start MOPS meals next week? I'll try to call this weekend sometime - Sunday maybe.

    Our prayers are with you!
    Jackie Lesperance

  2. Hi Rachel,

    You don't know me but I am a friend of Jeanette's and my boys went to school with Matt and Elizabeth. I have been following you on this blog and keep you daily in my thoughts and prayers. I know there are alot of people who would like to help out with meals and such when you return and start treatment. I want to suggest that you check out which is a site that allows people to sign up for a meal and also see what others are making so that you and Matt aren't eating lasagna every day of the week! But count me in on making some meals for you - I love to cook and would like to help out in any way that I can.
    Jane Fee